| Of new blogging spaces for familiar faces |

I’m sure many of you have - from time to time - found yourselves using cliché catch phrases, words, and ideas. For a very long time, I was focused on the idea of silence, and how it was so important to redeem the still small silent moment, taking it back as a platform for God to speak.

Well, my dear wife Emily has been on a tear with the idea of ‘spaces’. She has been focused on creating spaces for people to express and to freely worship. And so, following in that line of thinking, I've created a fresh new space that I’ll be using to reflect on the wonder of God in this world.

roboticromancing.blogspot.com is essentially part one - sort of the Luke to my Acts - of my musings and reflections. From now on, check out http://stevecoupland.tumblr.com/

Cheers.

| Of the circle of life |

I can't help but think that Elton John is right; perhaps there is some big circle of life. But before anyone jumps on me with claims that I'm somehow advocating some blend of Eastern religious circularity of life (Buddhism, Hinduism, etc) and Christianity, I'm not. I'm merely pointing out that life tends to flow in patterns that make sense. Today, children are being born and people nearing the end of their life are dying. Death gives way to life, and life gives way to death.

Yet there is something so much more to this picture than a reflection on mortality. There is a redemptive story at work as well. Sin and destruction give way to grace and mercy. Even the stories of cataclysmic destruction (Japan and Haiti come to mind) offer hope. Something about destruction causes people to rise up and offer a helping hand; something about sin causes our God to step forward and offer the perfect solution.

Perhaps this is why I appear apathetic or disinterested in the face of destruction and death. But I don't think it's either of these emotions, for I truly have a sense of peace that everything is gonna be just fine. I'm content with some of the mysteries of God's plan that passes my understanding, for He offers me a peace that passes that same understanding.

This is not to say we should not plead with our God and urge Him to act. Japan and the Pacific need our prayers right now. We need to beg that God would be merciful and that restoration would follow soon after the ravaging that took place. And this is where a measure of creative tension can be ever so helpful. Pray that God would act all the while knowing He knows so much more and understands so much clearer than we could ever wonder or imagine. He truly is a big God with a big heart.

Cheers.

| Of tempests, tantrums, and being trapped in a teapot |

A while back I used the phrase "a tempest in a teapot" in regards to the devastating raw power of revenge if we let it fester inside of us. Well, now I shall turn to a new way of using that same phrase. I am a tempest in a teapot.

What I mean by this is twofold: first that I'm riled up and spun so tightly that I'm having trouble calming down, and second that there is seemingly nothing I can do about it as I'm stuck in this blasted teapot.

Allow me to explain further. I have this paper due twenty one minutes ago. That's right, it's late. While I don't like handing in papers late (1/3 of a letter grade per day is my penalty), I simply cannot focus enough to actually write a paper right now. It's like I've been spinning and spinning and spinning and now I'm being asked to balance an egg on a spoon and walk. I'm so riled up for God right now - I just want to be in ministry full-time so badly - that it is so hard to buckle down and write a paper I simply do not care about.

Perhaps I should.

But I don't.

You see it's a paper on the historical reliability of the New Testament. Sure, that's a great thing to know and to prove, but it just doesn't mean much when there are people who need the gospel, not some argument that its reliable!

Gah!

Back to trying to write this paper. I've gotta graduate before I can grasp at full-time ministry...Pray for me; I need it right now for focus.

Cheers.

| Of seasons and seeds |

Facebook is bustling with status' about spring, sunshine, and the demise of winter. Perhaps I'm unique, but I'm not ready for spring just yet. For me, the season of winter is full of the beauty of death. Morbidity aside, death is a much needed part of life. The very act of repentance - indeed the very symbolism of baptism - is death to some lifestyle and life to another.

Consider the imagery of pruning in the study of plants. Sometimes plants need to get rid of their dead weight in order to sustain the rest of their life. Emily and I recently bought a plant from Ikea. We live in a basement and it doesn't get much sunlight. So after a few weeks of some leaves turning brown and falling off, it is now healthy; it can sustain all the leaves it boasts on its branches.

All of this to say, I'm not convinced I'm ready for spring. I still have much to consider and much reflection to endure before I'm ready for the newness of life that spring brings. I find it odd that the Lenten season falls in the season of spring. It's easy to link resurrection and Easter to the season of spring. It's not so easy to link Jesus' journey to the cross - or His gruesome suffering and death - with spring. However, perhaps that is what the gospel of John would articulate, that there is celebration even in the death of Jesus. With this in mind, I'm pretty excited about preaching on March 20 in the sermon series about the passion week of Jesus in the gospel of John.

* * *

In other news, I received a word from God today. It was no audible word, but it was unquestionably from God. Today at Tyndale Tuesday chapel, the preacher was preaching on the widely known passage from Acts 1:8, about being witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth. He said this: the disciples were not from Jerusalem. They were men of Galilee; the angel even greets them that way in Acts 1:11.

To this he noted, our 'Jerusalem' is not our home. Instead, it's where we are right now. For me, my Jerusalem is Toronto. And he said that we should not be quick to run for our 'ends of the earth' immediately. We should work from our 'Jerusalem' outward. And so while I loved my experience in Czech, and I see a need, (and I'll likely go back next year), I need to tend to my 'Jerusalem' - Toronto.

And so I feel confident that God is planting seeds in my heart that will one day flourish into some sort of ministry abroad. But right now, the seeds that God planted in my heart for Toronto are flourishing and I need to grab hold of what God has given me.

I also want to make mention that I write about me. I don't want to speak on behalf of my darling wife Emily, but she is definitely in the picture. So much of God's will depends on where God is calling her - where God is calling both of us. I'm just simply using this blog as a means to communicate my own thoughts and reflections.

Cheers.

| Of the next steps |

Have you ever experienced a moment - or perhaps a series of moments - where you feel like your feet are dragging to do the thing you've always done? For me I remember jobs I've had where the next (and certainly better) job was already in sight; I remember struggling to drag myself to work, for I had already begun to remove myself mentally from the first in preparation for the second.

Well, this is how I feel right now. God has given me two glimmers of what's next. In the first, I saw a hurting and broken world in the Czech Republic. I saw people who simply know nothing of God. While in Canada people know enough to refute and refuse God; in Czech, people know so little it's alarming. I think I can already say at this point that God is calling me back there someday. Hopefully that someday is soon. Hopefully it is next year.

The second glimmer began today. While Emily awaits news on whether or not she'll be accepted to Tyndale's Bachelor of Education, we have agreed that we both sense God's leading to stay in Toronto. And since we have begun to realize that life will continue here in Toronto, I have begun to wonder what I'm to do in the coming year. And so today after a fun and challenging hockey game, Em and I went to a Tyndale Seminary info meeting. While it all seemed rather interesting but nothing really stood out to me, a single conversation after the meeting caused me to question what's next for me.

You see, I have a growing heartbeat for church planting. Not the kind of church planting that moves people from one "dying" church to a new "thriving" church. No, not that at all. But new inroads for the gospel, new people knowing God, and ministry in brand new ways. The same beautiful gospel message of salvation and grace to a different people and in different packaging.

So I asked about that. And the kind Tyndale chap directed me toward the 'In-Ministry' program. It's basically an MDiv program that is modular and modified into six week courses so that it can be done coincidentally with ministry. I think that was always the scare for me when thinking about a potential masters program, that I might have to sit through more years of school before God would actually use me. But with church planting on the horizon and Wellspring at my side, I'm excited to consider this program as a possibility for what's next.

This is precisely why these glimmers have me dragging my feet a bit. I have a paper looming and I really should be focusing my attention on it, but I cannot focus on the simple and the mundane. God has amazing plans for Em and I! Seven years I've committed to my undergrad (six on and one year off in the middle), and now I can finally see, and I can finally tangibly interact with what's ahead.

Here's the catch. I truly believe that part of God's call and confirmation on His people is left to His people. He may have called me into pastoral ministry, but it took others coming alongside of me and encouraging me and confirming me in order that I would truly know that was the path for me. Likewise, this MDiv program and the prospect of church planting, do you see God using me in this way? What do you - my family and my friends - see God doing with this head, this heart, and these hands and feet?

Cheers.

| Of the power of prayer |

I wonder, what causes us to pray? What are the driving forces that under gird our desire to see God work? I know for myself, I see a trend in my own life that causes me to stop and think. This trend is simple: when I'm engaged in ministry I tend to pray a lot more.

I liken this to working out or playing a sport. While some of us may be casual water drinkers (I know I am), we notice a need and a thirst for water when we're actively engaged in a sport or challenging activity. And why would it be any different spiritually?

If we are constantly being challenged in and through the act of ministering to people, we need more sustenance to keep us going. Spiritual sustenance that is. And prayer is exactly that. In prayer, we find strength to face the day.

But it's so much more than that, isn't it?

It's not simply about me and my filling so that I can face the day.

When faced with the challenge that ministry provides, I notice that I naturally linger toward the task of prayer. I pray for the people I'm talking to. I pray that God would use me. I pray that God would use my team. I pray that God would break down language barriers. I pray that God would soften hearts. I pray that God would nudge some to step forward in boldness and in faith.

Yet all of this disappears when I'm not in ministry. All of this ceases to be a priority when I'm comfortable. In my day to day school and work life, I don't have those same challenges and I therefore do not have the same tendencies to pray.

And since I can conclude that ministry is one such way to move beyond ourselves and into a place where we are praying for others and reaching out to others, I can conclude that ministry is also a good curative measure for many things. I look at something like depression and see how we tend to treat it with 'turtling'; we remove ourselves from any challenge, hide, and redirect all of our energy and strength inward. Yet it would seem that the best way to overcome depression would be to get out, to face the day, and to be in a state of prayer at all times.

You have to get on the eagle in order to fly on eagles wings.

Cheers.

| A redemptive song |

Prior to any insightful blogging, I need to give credit where it is due. A few weeks ago Lucas found an Icelandic artist named Ólafur Arnalds, and his music has changed my life. This has been especially true for my bus rides throughout the Czech countryside were made so much more meaningful with beautiful redemptive melodies flowing through the background of my thoughts and reflections.

Step One: Listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tvUPFsaj5s

Step Two: Read the rest of this blog.

Step Three (optional): Listen to it again while reading this blog. :)

Entering the Czech Republic was spiritually terrifying. It was a dark and gloomy place where religious and spiritual language are absent, where churches are few and far between, but where Satan is very much at work in the shadows and hiding places. The first repeated piano section speaks of this gloomy darkness.

Yet in the midst of this darkness, a redemptive melody begins. Enter God. Through long term and short term missionaries alike, God's redemptive song that He sings over us (Zephaniah 3:17) is beautiful and delicate; it dances and surges through our very beings.

The excitement begins to build; God is at work in the Czech Republic. A light is shining and the night is almost over. The dawn of a new day and a new beautiful story gives me hope. We are all moving to God's beat.

The melody changes. God has inspired His people to sing for joy and to pray. It seemed that at the outset of the trip we were a disconnected body of believers praying as many, but by the third day we were praying as one body; we were a single cohesive unit dancing and moving to God's harmony.

My heart broke for the fatherless at the orphanages. I long to be a dad, and I simply cannot fathom such a desertion. Such a scenario of abandonment stands in contrast to God's unfailing and unending love. It's a love that stretches beyond borders and barriers, to our very crumbled and ruined fragments that we call lives.

The week climaxes at the Sunday service and lunch that followed. Worship was beautiful. The Spirit was heavy in that place. Hearts were being formed and reformed. Tears and heavy hearts were in abundance. I know for myself I felt a deep hurt for this place, almost a pity. I'm not sure if God was laying this place on my heart to call me back to it one day, or if He was simply showing me that there are so many needs in this broken world He loves so much.

After the lunch, a string of goodbyes left us feeling incomplete, as though the journey was to be longer and we had so much left to do in Czech. We cried for the church in Czech. Our work will be laden with futility if the church will not follow up with the seeds that have been planted. The harvest is plenty but the workers are few in Czech. God is working in so many lives.

The melody fades and I'm left wondering if I had any impact at all. Were hearts really changed? Did God move in and through our lives?

The same piano that began the song ends it. Hopefully the apathetic and hopeless note that began the song will not be that which concludes it; it is with great hope in our hearts that we look back on such a beautiful and marvelous ten days. God is good. His redemption song is far beyond our understanding.

Thanks for reading.

| Of short term trips |

In my years of study at Tyndale, I have heard many things about short term mission trips. Many say that the resources consumed by flights, food, and housing could be better used in tangible ways by long term missionaries. And while this may be true economically speaking, I have also learned that God's kingdom has some interesting upside-down economics.

What I have witnessed in these past ten days has been breath taking at times. This is not because of beauty, but because of spiritual desolation. I'm proud to have taken a few days out of my year, to have traveled and witnessed God's beautiful world first hand, but more so to have been vulnerable and malleable such that God would show me His heart, and use me to do something about this spiritual desolation. I'm proud to have stood in the gap as I tried to support long term missionaries in their ministries that sometimes feel futile.

Pray for the church in Czech. Pray that the contrast be noticed, for in the darkest of places a little light has a significant impact. Pray that God would come alongside these beacons of light, give them strength and fuel to keep on burning, and that Satan would not hide them behind screens of deception and deceit. Pray for the church in Hlinsko as it is a city on a hill; may it shine brighter than ever before.

To all my Czech friends, you have been a tremendous blessing. The kindness you have shown me has been unreal. I'm praying that God would lead me back to you in a year's time. May His will be done, not mine.

| Of all things Czech |

What a rush, what a thrill. With tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, I say goodbye to this great country, to this great people, and to a place that has only up to go. While we may have experienced that the Czech Republic is a dark and atheistic country, a glimmer of light exists in at least one place; there, on the lake at Immanuel Youth For Christ Conference Center, dwells a lighthouse for all who are weary and all who are lost.

In my journey through this foreign land, I have found that one of my best attributes is less than useful. I have found that the gift of well-spoken speech is not near as useful as I’m used to. However, this has caused me to stretch and grow in my understanding of love as a verb, not simply a word. I have had to act on this love that I know so well. Through the small and the mundane, through the smiles, the kindness, and through broken sentences, I have tried my utmost and my best to be one who loves.

I see a need. I see a hurting that calls out to me. I see a wonder that has me dazzled and dazed, wondering if this is where God wants Emily and I. Certainly there are questions and unknowns just around the corner, but I am confident that if I stay centered in God, I will remain in God’s will. And if I never return to this place, it will always be cherished in my heart, and it will certainly be one of the core events that shapes my ministry for God.

The church is broken. It’s severed, with open gashes and only bandaids to stop the bleeding. A single breach of trust leads to a mountain of hurt, and distrust and distance follow. People stop relying on each other. Individuality and selfishness are like vipers waiting to snap their vicious fangs at the most opportune moment. The body ceases to function as it should, and the very fabric of the church splits leaving a new gash to bleed.

As short term missions go, we are not doctors. Only God can truly heal the hurt; only He can repair that which has been broken. But we who are here only for the short term must do our best to comfort and love on the hurting. I was taught in CPR/First Aid that a person in shock needs a blanket, comfort, and constant conversation. In a similar way, we are not there to mend the gashes, but to provide comfort, to show God’s love in tangible ways, and to plead that God would heal. “Comfort, oh comfort my people.” (Isaiah 40)

When I say plead, I do not simply mean that we pray. I mean a specific type of prayer; I mean prayer that begs and begs and begs some more, such that our persistence pleads God to move and act. The parable that Jesus teaches in Luke 11 on prayer is one that resonates with this idea. God calls us to knock fervently and without end. He urges us to call out to him again and again, and to knock persistently on his door.

God, may You be with these people,
May you turn Your face to shine upon them,
May you shine Your light here in this place,
And turn apathy into passion, and sorrow into joy.

God, I’m asking You to heal,
May you repair all who are hurting,
May you strengthen all who are weak,
And turn pain into endurance, and decay into new life.

God, remember Your people here,
May you rise up a nation after You,
May you enlarge Your territory,
And use Your servants to increase Your kingdom.

Amen.

| Czech days 6 and 7 |

Just a quick hit about day 6.
Our last hockey game was on day 6. I stayed back from the morning English classes to finalize my sermon that I'll be delivering today. Then the few of us that stayed back drove in for the last two classes of English before lunch. Lunch was delicious. Then there was English Club, which was a group in the Czech high school that met to practice English through a variety of games and lessons. That was very fun, for each person there wanted to be there. They all had very well developed English, especially for non-native speakers.

In the afternoon we played some fun games with the youth group, made a quick stop back at Immanuel for dinner, and then off to Jilhava for the hockey game. We were greeted by reporters and fans of Jilhava in the stand. They had a drummer. Setting aside our three former losses, we prepared to play and to play hard. While we may have gotten the early lead, they were the better team in the end.

Alas, Scott's testimony was pure, genuine, and perfectly placed; it was the ideal testimony to be shared with these guys. The final score was 7-4 but we were winners. In fact, we were received like winners at the post-game pub, for the Jilhava team wanted to go out for drinks afterward. The lack of English proved to be a barrier of sorts, but there were some barriers that were overcome. This one story stands out as an example:

We had played a few of our games with some Czech players on our team, to help fill out our roster. One such player was named Daniel. His English was near-non-existent, but he seemed happy to play with us. After the fourth loss (the third of his in our uniform), he made a comment to Martin (our translator) that it is weird seeing so much joy and happiness even after a loss. He said that when Czech's lose, they are not happy. And this really resonated with the testimony Adam gave, that we don't need to win to be winners in God's eyes. We find our validation and our purpose in God alone.

On day 7 we came to a town today called Kutna Hora. In this town we went to a place called the bone church. It was a church that I walked into unaware of what was ahead. The outside of the church – its very grounds – is a graveyard full of the graves of many. Some forty-thousand people have been buried under its foundation, and bones litter its inner most sanctuary. In fact, the decor of this church is hanging bones and skulls.

It was certainly an experience that spoke to the mortality of all. From dust we were created, and to dust we will return. Old bones – emotionless, spiritless, fleshless bones – this is what we become when we die. Yet in the midst of a skeletal nightmare there is the crucified Christ, hanging from the tree that would bring life to all, should they receive it.

As bones are the ultimate symbol of death and destruction, so the tree is the ultimate symbol of life, as it overwhelms and overpowers death. The blood of one shed for all. Yet he has no bones. Christ has no deceased body. The resurrected Son of Man did not stay dead to rot and ruin, for instead he rose to the right hand of the Father and reigns supremely. And it is with fear and trembling that we work out our salvation. And it is with confidence that we approach the throne of His grace. We are overcomers of death because death has no power over us any longer.

Cheers.

| Czech day five |

So I was asked to guest-author the SOS trip blog. In lieu of writing two blogs, here is a link to the trip blog that you can peruse.

http://www.canadasos.ca/tripblog/

| Of espresso and Czech day four |

While much is still likely to happen today (it's only 5pm here), I felt the need to blog about what has already happened today.

It began early. I was awakened by my insecurities and a nightmare at around 4:30am. I hopped out of bed and found myself in the bathroom sweating. Instead of trying to go back to bed, I decided to see what time it was, and upon finding out the time, I opted to stay up and call Emily.

After a great early morning conversation (late night for her), I blogged, cried, and got ready for the day. I specifically remember writing my blog and the tears rolling down my face, for Martin turned to me and asked if he could pray for anything. There wasn't anything to pray for, for God had already broken my heart a bit for what breaks His.

By 7:30am we were off to school in Pardubice. At a local business high school, we worked alongside of english classes by entering into mundane and ordinary conversations all day long. This helped to strengthen and challenge the english language skills of the students. For many of them, this was their first experience with native-english speakers.

One rather interesting thing was that none of them could even fathom what a 'pastor' or 'priest' was, and there was seemingly no language to describe it. In fact, religious language seems to be rather lost in the culture. Perhaps this is indicative of just how lost the Czech culture is from God; they have little language to even comprehend Him, His church, or His people.

After the english classes (we were done by 1:15pm), we were given the afternoon to shop, eat, and relax. I had the most delicious prosciutto and mushroom pizza, followed by an espresso with dinner. Then at the mall I stocked up on some snacks, and another espresso. European coffee is so much better than Canadian coffee. I will surely miss it.

Well, dinner is in a half hour, followed by some more downtime, and a hockey game at 9pm Czech time (3pm Toronto time). Go SOS Canada!

Cheers.

- - - - - -

Well we lost the hockey game, though we made it close in the third. Altogether I'm not too worried about winning or losing, for our purpose is to shine the light of Christ into the darkness in Czech through the game of hockey. Even when we're down, I see smiles and laughter. Joy even in loss, that is the result of joy founded in Christ!

After arriving back at Immanuel, I went to my room and prepared some of my sermon. The sound of many voices downstairs grabbed my interest, and so I ventured forth to explore. To my surprise, the team had all gathered and was entering into a time of sharing. And so just as I had begun to think that maybe prayer and the spiritual dimension of this trip was not going to take a place of importance, I was blown away by the stories, the encouragement, and the sharing of the whole team. The Spirit had been leading all of us as individuals, as though each were playing a part in the grand orchestra wherein the the Spirit was the conductor.

Altogether, many tears were shed. God is breaking hearts and working through each of us here. It's incredible to see the seeds that have been planted and nourished over years of work begin to flourish and blossom. For anyone entering into ministry, this is why continuity and follow up is so important. We see the same in the life and ministry of Paul in Acts; he was always travelling back through the same cities and his letters were another source of encouragement.

Stay tuned. Day five is already well on its way and I'm sensing exciting things ahead. Maybe our first win? Hopefully.

| Of tears for the fatherless; Czech day three |

At the dawn of day 4, I'll look back and reflect on day 3.

Monday February 21st was a fairly long and rigorous day. Painting in the morning hours gave way to a quick lunch on route to an orphanage that primarily supports 0-3 year olds, with some up to age 5 or so. While this orphanage appeared well equipped and supported financially, it became incredibly clear almost immediately that there was a tremendous need there.

It was not a need for money or for toys, for they had many, but for love. The simple investment of play, of smiles, and of time. After the tour of the place, I spent the brunt of my time there outside with the kids in the onsite playground area. The barrier of language was one that could be overcome by dinosaur games, slides, and being launched into the air only to be caught and launched again.

One thing that resonated with me was that the children see many females (their mothers, the staff, the nurses), but they do not see or interact with many males. The fathers are absent and there aren't many men in the field. And I have to be honest, I noticed this in their play. At first the kids were a bit stand-off-ish, but once the walls were down their favourite play pays were the guys. I had the opportunity to go down the slide with a half dozen different kids. They were encouraged by my example, it would seem, and they all wanted to join in. At one point the girl in the lead of the stair climb to the slide got her mitten caught. Like a 401 collision the whole group of kids stopped and almost ran each other over. Cute kids.

But one kid stood out to me most. She was a little girl with downs syndrome. Language aside, she and I communicated through signs. She insisted that I go down the slide before her, every time! She was just so cute. When I got into the train that was far too small for my body, she was one of the first to come and join me inside.

I think above all, my heart broke for the fatherless. That in all the world, there are so many with a need for a father, and yet so many don't turn to Abba Father, the God who loves his children and is so willing to adopt many into his family. I think that my heart broke because of the few moments of joy that were plopped in between lives of hardship. Some of these kids were 'unadoptable' on the grounds of race, health, or disability. And with tears in my eyes, I can proudly say that God's kingdom is not based on these divisions; come one, come all, come all who are thirsty and drink of living water.

And even though I'm experiencing some stretching, some discomfort, and some challenging social dimensions, God is so good! His will be done. His will be done.

Thanks for reading.

| Czech days one and two |

It has been a couple days of firsts for me.

On the exciting side, my first flight was pleasant (although I was in the middle

{ x x | x ME x | x x } ), and my second flight was super enjoyable (thanks Heather for letting me have your window seat). Also, my first time ordering McDonald's in a foreign country went well...I ended up getting the "Swiss King", which consisted of a swiss bacon burger with a hashbrown on it...YUMMY!

On the nerve-racking side, I had my first bus ride on a windy road in a foreign country with signs I cannot read. I really had to learn to let go and enjoy the ride.

All of our baggage arrived on time (though I forgot to pack body wash - yet we bought a bunch of them), and we arrived here at Immanuel Youth for Christ center in time for a quick shower, an unpack/sort, and dinner. Dinner was delicious. European coffee tastes better than North American coffee.

Life is good.

Tomorrow is an early start, work projects (I'm painting a couple of rooms), lunch, visiting the orphanage, dinner, and then our first hockey game.

| Of five-A-M musings |

I'm awake. It's five in the morning and I've been awake for an hour and a half now. Is this what insomnia feels like? Or is this just God trying to tell me something?

While in my awake state of mind, I found myself scanning through facebook when I stumbled upon a familiar face. My old roommate and housemate Chris Jardin is now on facebook. For as long as I've known Chris, he's wanted to be a pirate, he's been unpredictable, and he's been a wanderer. By perusing through some of his musings, it seems that he's doing some pretty wonky wandering. http://chrisjardin.wordpress.com/

But, alas, he's hardly what I'm concerned about in this five-A-M blog. Having gone our separate ways a few years back, he is merely the archetype of a wanderer. It's something God has had me thinking about since September as we studied A Canticle for Leibowitz (Miller Jr) and City of God (Saint Augustine). The idea that God has his people as wanderers in this wonky world is certainly an interesting one to ponder.

I guess at this point I want to distinguish and fine tune what it is I mean. I think we can all agree that we're all going somewhere and doing something. We all have goals - whether they be big or small remains a mute point - and we all move toward them. Some goals are more noble or lofty than others, but again, a mute point. But this is fundamentally different than being wanderers. Nomads, sojourners, pilgrims, these might be better words.

I think as Christians we might point to heaven as this destination point. But again I think that we're called to sojourn on this earth in the flesh, and I don't think we can ever muster up our own strength to meander our way to heaven (sorry Pelagians). I guess this boils down to 'running the race with endurance' - a phrase in the book of Hebrews. Perseverance even when it's hard. Pressing on, pressing on, ever pressing on. But to where?

I can't really say. Part of what I'm struggling with is the where. And when I get there, it's far too easy to settle down, hunker down, and prepare to stay a long time. But does the journey not continue? Perhaps the journey is how it all begins, but too soon we stop moving, our feet become heavy, and we settle down into mundane repetition. I can't say that I'm looking forward to that.

Perhaps this is the danger of the church. We can look back through Israel's history as a wandering people led by God. Yet as soon as they reached their goal (the promised land) they stopped looking to God for his leading. The settled down, laid down roots, and took up idols. Maybe churches begin this way, taking the Great Commission of Matthew 28 to heart, or they forgot that they were witness in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). If the early church had stopped their journey short - say around Judea - they would never have spread to Samaria, to Syria, to Asia, and to Macedonia. But the early church pressed on and pushed out.

I don't want to stop short and miss out on the journey.

I don't want to plant a church only then to sit in a building and idly pass the time.

I want to go places and meet people who need God, and then invite them to journey at my side until God reveals the path he has for them.

Alas. As I clear the air and give way to a good rant, I am drowsy anew. Praise God.

| Of coordinated hearts and eyes |

I tend to distance myself from mounting excitement. When I think about an exciting day or event in the future, I start to get that jittery feeling and I can't sleep very well. I convince myself that Christmas Eve is just another night, so that maybe I might be able to sleep before Christmas arrives. Well, the mounting excitement has amassed an army and it has sieged my defenses. I am excited about going to Czech Republic!

I'm actually too excited. I can't focus. I am supposed to be studying for a midterm that I'm to take tomorrow, or writing a paper that is due on Friday, but instead I'm playing my guitar and writing a song. I even tried having a cold shower to snap out of it, perhaps to refocus myself, but that simply amounted to an intriguing concept: heart-eye coordination.

You see, I'm a sports enthusiast. Hand-eye coordination is a very important skill in the game of hockey, for example. Prior to my floor hockey games, I spend more time juggling the ball around on my stick than I do stretching or shooting. For me, the skills will follow if my hand-eye coordination is good. And so I wonder about the idea of heart-eye coordination. Perhaps it stems from a Bill Hybels concept, a holy discontent. For Hybels, this is the thing that breaks your heart and causes you to act on it. It's different than a passion or a life-goal; it's a God-given, innate heartbeat for an issue or an injustice that you simply must try to remedy.

I wonder if having our hearts and our eyes coordinated in unison, if we would truly see the things that break God's heart, and then act on them. Perhaps when we walk downtown and we a homeless guy asking for money, instead of walking past and making an excuse in our head, our eyes would be so in tune with our heart that we would be moved to stop and to act.

Just like in the game of hockey, if our hand-eye coordination is good, the necessary skills will follow, so too if our heart-eye coordination is good, we will reach out and we will act upon injustice.

So God, I've been working through checklists, and I've been intricately packing everything I need. But what I really need is for my heart to respond to what You're going to show me. Give me eyes to see all it is You want.

As Bright As You'll Make Me

Written by Steve Coupland on February 16, 2011

Verse

Give me eyes to see all it is You want

And may my heart beat ever after You

And may my reservations slip away

And all these hindrances hide their face

For my light has come and going forth to shine

Refrain

I will follow

Where You will lead me

For Your glory

I will rise up

As bright as You’ll make me

I’ll be light to Your world

Verse

Give me empathy for those who break Your heart

Lend me strength to lift up those who’ve fallen down

And may apathy break beneath

The overwhelming love You breathe

For my light has come and You’re sending me to shine

| Use your head and your heart |

So, I'm a fan of intelligent prayer. What I mean by this is that God has given us mental faculties and we should use them in our prayer. As communication with and worship of this God we serve, giving our all and our best is important. I guess I say this as a knee-jerk-reaction to some people I know who pray with a repeated emphasis on the name of Jesus. While I'm not opposed to praying in the name of Jesus - in fact it's exactly what I'm in favour of - the psalms and the Lord's prayer are good examples of praying with specifics in mind.

On the flip side, I do wonder what it would take for me to become so desperate and so overwhelmed that in my prayers to God, all I could offer up were the words "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". Perhaps there is some merit to the desperation of these types of prayers - for they are not claiming anything save for the blood of the one who gave it all. However, I do feel that there is a culture in some circles that overdoes the use of the name, as though it's a refrain.

Perhaps the most shocking moment happened to me the other day when a coworker of mine was tired and instead of making a noise of exasperation, this person claimed the blood of Jesus. I'm no theologian, but I'm pretty sure the blood of Jesus was life saving, not energy restorative.

Anyway, I digress. So I'm a fan of intelligent prayers. So if you want to intelligently pray for me as I head to Czech in a week (for 10 days), here are a few items that I'm dealing with:

• still have two midterms and a paper to finish before I go
• my sermon that is to be delivered in Czech through a translator is only about 30% completed, and I really need to get it done asap so that my translator can familiarize himself with it
• I'm feeling overtired and worn out, and things are only going to get busier as the trip nears
• I'm not very good at packing, so pray that I'll somehow see the best way to fit everything I need in with my hockey equipment
• Pray that my eyes would see what God sees, and that my heart would break for what breaks His heart.

Thanks.

Be blessed.

| Too much to do to not spend time in prayer |

Exhaustion has set in. I woke up in the middle of the night to a terrifying dream: I was in Czech and I was called on to preach, but I had nothing to say. Words were beyond me, just out of my reach. I was startled and found myself immediately wide awake.

Perhaps in the past I would get up. I'd take this dream as some sort of divine initiation to get up, dig deep in the word, and prepare my sermon. Truthfully, many of my sermons are birthed from moments like these. However, last night, I could not fathom doing so.

I'm just too tired.

With a presentation today, a major paper on the horizon, a check list full of unchecked boxes in my head, and the anticipation of going abroad to the Czech Republic, I'm overwhelmed. It's probably the reason that I have not blogged lately.

Yet I'm reminded of the wisdom of a very wise man. George Budd - pastor and spiritual director - once said, "I've got too much to do today to not spend an hour in prayer." How true it is that our efforts are all in vain, and our juggling all for naught, when we forget to bring everything - everything! - to God in prayer.

So for all you who master the art of multitasking - quite like myself - take time to stop doing much, quiet yourself down, and be still and know that He is God. I'm going to do likewise, because I certainly can't keep up this pace for much longer.

Cheers.

| Of the journey, ever onward |

Just a poetic and rather random thought pattern.

You are on a journey, nomadic, sporadic, ever wandering through this maze of life.

You are a pilgrim called to be potent and bright - salt and light - standing opposed to apathy and plight.

As a sojourner, you keep your eyes to the city of God, your feet ever moving through the city of Man, and your hands free to serve and to save.

As a child of light, you empty yourself, strip away conceit and pride; you step aside, to show light, pure light.

And yet you linger long on certain treasures, worldly pleasures, weighing your wealth on earthly measures.

You begin to store up for yourself gold and silver - heavy as they may be - and you use your hands instead to polish and to shine these, your precious.

Your pace slows, stalls, stops, and eventually you are too tired to carry on.

You settle down, set up fences and walls, and begin to convince yourself that keeping the world out is your call.

Instead of venturing into the public and profane streets, you house up holy thoughts behind high walls and strong towers.

Instead of reaching out with empty hands and brilliant radiant light, you block out darkness and hold your doors firmly.

Instead of stepping forth to change the world one unredeemed moment at a time, you pray that God's will be done.

But what is His will, other than that you would be a liberator, an overcomer, a sojourner ever reaching and ever shining for His glory?

Forget not the journey, forget not the purpose you were called to.

Lift up your heads, oh you gates, be lifted up you Ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord is upon you.

| Of cut and paste monsters |

I've been pondering and mulling over the idea of monstrosity lately. We're all a little bit like monsters at times; we all have some truly disfigured and disformed monstrous internal qualities about us. In my last blog I wrote a poem that - for me - was a representation of the process of redemption, from creation to monstrosity to new creation. Then today as I was playing around on my guitar, I found an old song that I'd written in August 2008. It's entitled Paper and Glue.

It's really about the shape that this monstrosity takes in my life. While it may be frail and fragile, it is a cut and paste composition of an internal suffering. So before you read it and think that I'm suicidal or depressed, I'm not. I'm just really intrigued by the idea of sin and how it takes so many shapes in our lives. For me, I recognize it, see it, hear it, and despise it. For others it is a skulking stalking shadowy figure that hides in the deep caverns of the heart.

Paper and Glue - Steve Coupland, August 27 2008

Break my skin, make me bleed

I need this, I need to concede to

Suffering, and selflessness

A lessened me means a greater you

Refrain

For underneath this fragment of skin

Dwells a monster made of paper and glue

A construct, a masterpiece

Ever-growing, and ever-hungry too

And this monster simply subjects me

Muddles my memory, and makes my heart unglue

And my morality faces fatality

I’m no more a servant, but a slave to paper and glue

Bridge

Is there hope for me?

Can I overcome?

With claws dug in so deeply

Can we find a way

For me to escape?

Oh take all of me, take its place

So break my skin, make me bleed

Begin the purging that I so desperately need

Then take up scissors, dig them in deeply

No remorse for paper, no sympathy for glue

| I am worshiper; I am loved |

I am clay; man made from dirt, breathed into life, moulded and shaped by the Potter into vessel of worship.

I am worshiper; man given purpose, meaning instilled, posture attributed so that I may fix my eyes to the Mountain and before Him bow low.

I am lowly; fallen, fruit of temptation casting me down, burden of sin drawing me downward into the pit of despair.

I am despair; hopeless and hapless, unable to climb out from the mire or the fire, from judgment or calamity.

I am calamity; warring against friend or foe, disaster lashing out void of rational, a make-shift monster moulded from muck.

I am monstrous; hideous self, self loathing and self destructing, longing for freedom but finding only rejection.

I am rejected; unloved and undead, a walking self-hating zombie, covered in the scabs and sores of sin.

Yet I am accepted; welcomed by an inclusive Son of Man, losing life and gaining life, monstrosity embraced, calamity calmed, and rejection ruined.

I am ruined; destroyed and amazed, knowing not love until love was poured out.

I am loved; cherished and pursued by whip and tree, my scabs and sores nailed to flesh, offering eternal hope.

I am hopeful; the need has passed to climb forth from the pit, he on Jacob’s ladder carrying me up toward redemption.

I am redeemed; brokenness surrendered, uselessness offered up on bended knee, broken cistern made new by the Potter.

I am new; hard and brittle clay made malleable again, reformed and refashioned into vessel of worship.

I am worshiper; new eyes to see, new hands to stretch out, and new songs to sing about love.

| Of magazines and coffee shops |

I began my Tyndale experience in 2004. For two years I tried my best at an education, only to realize that my desires and my passions weren't for an education at that point in time. After a year off, I came back to Tyndale in 2007, met the girl of my dreams, and lived happily ever after.

For so long, I've been asked about school and work. 'How many more courses?', 'When do you graduate?'. But now that I am graduating, the line of questioning is much different. 'What are you going to do after your graduate?'

I've always had a rather witty response to the first line of questioning, for it will have taken me six years to finish my BA, and so, like God, I will do work for six and then rest. But now that graduation draws near, I really must approach the all too scary reality that a year of rest is neither realistic nor desired. I didn't struggle and toil through six years of school only then to sit on my education. Thus, I have turned to lofty dreams and unimaginable heights for inspiration. What is my heartbeat for this life? What is God's heartbeat for my life?

I know I love two things: coffee and God. I love the idea of a third-space café church, where people gather to commune with one another and with God, over a hot coffee. However, I'm not really sure where lofty dream meets realistic goal; I'm not sure how to actually go about doing this. I really wish I'd taken one or two less religious studies courses and one or two more business courses. Then I might know how to run a not-for-profit organization.

What do you think? Is it feasible? Is it an interesting idea? Is it Biblical?

Beyond that, I'd really love to start a magazine (aka a 'zine). I like the idea of un|bind as a title. I think it could start out as a Wellspring-specific outlet, communicating the hard truth about addictions that - for the most part - the church is not really addressing. There is so much hindering and binding people in this day, and it breaks my heart to see these obstructions hold people back from really embracing God and being embraced by Him.

To my readers, would you consider posting some thoughts in this 'zine, if it took flight? Certainly a magazine full of a single author would get a little repetitive.

Cheers.

| The senseless pursuit of worthlessness |

Too often I have seen and heard of people who once claimed the mantle of Christ and now no longer do. Their eternal destination is beyond my comprehension, and so I will not venture in that direction with this entry. But I do wonder why. Why give up something of so much worth as a result of its mere inconvenience? Is there any other reason? None that I can come to right now.

When I think about the journey of the Christian life, I cannot help but think of its all encompassing nature. The Christian life is not a funky armband you wear that lets you store your salvation like you would store your Ipod or Iphone. No, the Christian life is - at first sight - burdensome. We are called to let go of worldly treasures, to pick up a big ol' cross, put on full spiritual armour, and then journey through life as the enemy shoots venomous arrows at us. It's a funny picture, but one that most Christians take seriously; the Christian life requires our all.

And yet there are some who seemingly turn away from God, giving up the Christian life in favour of all sorts of earthly treasures and pleasures. The inconvenience of the cross and the armour and of being the subject of target practice seems to outweigh the twofold prize: then and now, future and present.

I love the words of Jesus as he states, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" Thus the prize for "then" becomes eternal life with God through Christ Jesus. And the prize for now becomes a plethora of amazing gifts: safety, security, passion, vision, truth, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and so on, and so forth.

Perhaps the inconvenience begins with the illusion that we can have both the world and our soul. Perhaps there is a sneaky desire to have it all. Or perhaps we are like children who constantly test our Father. We slowly - one piece at a time - grab hold of the world and look to heaven to see if He will punish us. But I assure you, our punishment is our miscalculation. Economically speaking, giving up some temporary loot in favour of eternal and everlasting riches, you'd be a fool to give up on God. This is why I say, giving up on God is the senseless pursuit of worthlessness.

| Un|bind |

I tend to linger on certain snippets of Scripture for extended periods of time. For a while it was the great 'hymn of Christ' of Philippians 2:5-11. As of late, I have lingered long on the words of Jesus in Luke 4, as he quotes the prophet Isaiah.

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor."

I believe that the Spirit may even be directing me toward this verse for the Hlinsko CZ sermon that I'm to preach. While it is not the gospel message per se, it is the gospel implication. Certainly we would all agree that the gospel message is that this Son of God entered into frail flesh and blood, lived among us, humbled himself to persecution and eventual death, only then to rise from the dead three days later, thus defeating death and ushering in the age of new life through the Spirit. The gospel implication then, is to be people who mirror the life of the Son, who proclaim this good news to the poor, who proclaim freedom for prisoners (of flesh and of spirit), who do our best to give sight to the blind, to take a stand against the oppression of the evil one, and to declare this all in the name of the Lord and his favour upon us.

To me, this is what being unbound is all about; to me, the gospel offers us release from all that binds us. And as we are unbound from all that corrupts, contains, and constrains us, we then are called to be people who unbind the nations.

Where the Spirit of the Lord, there is freedom. (2 Corinthians 3:17)

I urge you to consider your own freedom. How free are you?

| Of old faith and new frontiers |

We've all heard the oft-used metaphor of the mustard seed. 'We can move mountains if we have faith the size of a mustard seed'. Well, a few months back now, I was asked to consider joining a missions trip overseas to Hlinsko, Czech. It would be a trip that used the game of hockey as a springboard to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ across the world.

I must admit that I envisioned faith to take on a very concrete size and shape at that point in time. I must also admit, it wasn't a mustard seed. It was $2300 *sigh*. I distinctly remember walking and praying, asking God to help me make this decision. I remember wanting God to make the first step. I wanted God to "show me the money" before I was willing to take a step, no - a leap - of faith. Yet as the Spirit moves in wonderful and mysterious ways, so the Spirit reminded me of something I had forgotten to remember.

You see, last year I had taken a course on the book of Hebrews. Part of our class mark came from memorizing and reciting a chunk of the book. I chose Hebrews 11 for I could easily break the section down into little sections, each with its own hero of faith. Hebrews 11 is about faith. It begins with "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." And so this verse that I had memorized last year now came to the forefront of my mind, and God told me to have that kind of faith.

Instead of waiting for God to make the first move, He called me to leap out in faith, knowing full well that he would provide for my every need. And now I'm going to Czech. Next month I'll get on my very first plane, use my very first passport, and enter into a new frontier of life. I'll be stretched thin and stretched wide, but God is good and He will sustain me. I even get to preach through a translator while I'm there. Exciting and terrifying times await me, but I'm glad to be going with good friends.

The following is my support letter. I encourage you to read it and consider supporting me through prayer or through a one-time donation. "For the cost of a cup of coffee a day, you can..." Okay, I won't go there.

God bless.

-steve

Hello Friends and Family, February 18-March 1, 2011

I am excited to tell you that this coming February, I will be travelling to Czech Republic for a ten day missions trip. I will be joining the organization SOS Canada (Salvation on Skates), an organization that has been reaching out and ministering to people in Hlinsko, CZ since 2006 through the game of hockey. The game of hockey is used to break down barriers so that the gospel of Jesus Christ can be shared. However, hockey is not all that we will be doing in Hlinsko this February. We will be sharing our testimonies in public schools, spending quality time with kids in the orphanages, teaching ESL classes, and working alongside a local church, all for the glory of God! I will also have the opportunity to preach at a local church in Czech through a translator.

Czech is a lot like Canada. They have a similar climate, friendly people, and they love their hockey. While hockey is not the total focus of our trip, it is important to give us an opening to share our faith. The Czech Republic, formerly part of Czechoslovakia, was under communist rule until 1989, so there still is very little Christian influence. We are not there to force our beliefs on them, but to let them know that we care, and to share our reason for traveling so far.

God is truly wonderful and mysterious. I never saw myself going overseas on mission. Yet He has put together the challenge of mission with my favourite sport in the world; comfort with challenge. He truly knows the hairs on my head!

So what can you do to help?

One of the joys of this trip is that so many of us are from different churches. That means all of these churches are part of commissioning and praying for this trip. I need you to pray. Pray that God would work in great and mighty ways, that language would not be a barrier, that the gospel message would be planted on good soil, and that God would be glorified in and through this trip.

One of the challenges of this trip is its financial cost. If you are able, any donation to this cause would be greatly appreciated, as it will cost me $2300 to go. SOS Canada is a non-profit ministry registered with the Canadian Revenue Agency. To support me financially, make the cheque out to SOS Canada and attach a note indicating your support for me, as well as your personal information (name, mailing address). Donations can also be given in person or through the mail.

Thank you for your support, I trust that God has a plan for this trip specifically and I hope that I can be used to achieve His purpose.

“The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

-Numbers 6:24-26

| Of building blocks and writers block |

I have writers block.

I've written a half dozen half blogs, only to find myself unsatisfied with the blog in some manner.

Any thoughts or inspiration?

| a tempest in a teapot |

So I'm not perfect. While I doubt this is a surprise to anyone, I figured that I should post that sign high above my blog. Many of the entries I write are reflective in some manner, but they can appear to be thoughtful consideration directed outward, with little personal application of my own. Perhaps as a person and as a blogger, I keep people at arms length, rarely allowing for the type of close relationship that enables people to tangibly interact with my brokenness and my flaws. /preface.

While at the gym last night, I was listening to a sermon from one David McGhee. A Freedomize Toronto preacher of olde, David was preaching from Romans 12:17-21. It was a message on revenge. While running and biking and "pumping iron", I listened as David eloquently and artfully spoke painful truth into my life. I can be a person who struggles to forgive; I can be a person who desires to see the wicked punished. Like the psalmist or like Jeremiah the prophet, I can be one who enjoys seeing the righteous prosper and the wicked suffer. I like justice. No, I love justice.

I can get so bent out of shape over the actions of others, all the while forgetting that my actions can be equally as hurtful or crude. And then I found this phrase in a theological textbook, "a tempest in a teapot". I've not used it in the same context as the book, for instead I saw it as a looming disaster contained in a very small and fragile package. As the vengeance inside of me slowly spins, eventually it becomes a surging and spinning tempest. And yet I am a broken cistern of Jeremiah 2; I am a fragile little teapot. The tempest inside of me - if left unmanaged - will eventually break free of me and wreak disaster on others. And yet this is what the vengeance inside of me wants; this is what the tempest desires.

God spoke to me last night about my own life. Through the voice of David, God called me to look inward at the surging winds that I have allowed to gather speed. He called me to consider my own desire for vengeance, and then to vanquish it with love. In Romans 12:17-21, Paul speaks about repaying evil for evil, and then contrasts it with the repaying of evil with love. That to truly lavish love on an enemy - to lay aside hurt and hate and truly encourage or exalt an enemy - that this action is like heaping burning coals on their head. This act of unhindered and untamed love will actually be more influential and more powerful than allowing the tempest to be set free.

I know that I stopped in my tracks and thought about a certain co-worker that I have. This week I'm going to try and show love to this person. Perhaps it will break the spiral of vengeance that exists between us. Perhaps it will calm the storm that lays siege to my cracked and fragile teapot.

Thanks for reading.

Oh, and check out David's "vintage" sermons at http://www.freechurch.ca/Content.xjp?novar=&id=662&CalendarSearchType=SPEAKERALL&CalendarSearchText=David+McGhee

| Luke 3 - Baptism and the Spirit |

New sermon up. Check it out if you so desire.
http://www.wellspringtoronto.ca/church/Podcast/Entries/2011/1/9_January_9%2C_Steven_Paul_Coupland.html