un|bind [robotic romancing]

| Of new blogging spaces for familiar faces |

2011-03-13T14:48:00.004-04:00

I’m sure many of you have - from time to time - found yourselves using cliché catch phrases, words, and ideas. For a very long time, I was focused on the idea of silence, and how it was so important to redeem the still small silent moment, taking it back as a platform for God to speak.

Well, my dear wife Emily has been on a tear with the idea of ‘spaces’. She has been focused on creating spaces for people to express and to freely worship. And so, following in that line of thinking, I've created a fresh new space that I’ll be using to reflect on the wonder of God in this world.

roboticromancing.blogspot.com is essentially part one - sort of the Luke to my Acts - of my musings and reflections. From now on, check out http://stevecoupland.tumblr.com/

Cheers.

| Of the circle of life |

2011-03-12T10:30:00.005-05:00

I can't help but think that Elton John is right; perhaps there is some big circle of life. But before anyone jumps on me with claims that I'm somehow advocating some blend of Eastern religious circularity of life (Buddhism, Hinduism, etc) and Christianity, I'm not. I'm merely pointing out that life tends to flow in patterns that make sense. Today, children are being born and people nearing the end of their life are dying. Death gives way to life, and life gives way to death.

Yet there is something so much more to this picture than a reflection on mortality. There is a redemptive story at work as well. Sin and destruction give way to grace and mercy. Even the stories of cataclysmic destruction (Japan and Haiti come to mind) offer hope. Something about destruction causes people to rise up and offer a helping hand; something about sin causes our God to step forward and offer the perfect solution.

Perhaps this is why I appear apathetic or disinterested in the face of destruction and death. But I don't think it's either of these emotions, for I truly have a sense of peace that everything is gonna be just fine. I'm content with some of the mysteries of God's plan that passes my understanding, for He offers me a peace that passes that same understanding.

This is not to say we should not plead with our God and urge Him to act. Japan and the Pacific need our prayers right now. We need to beg that God would be merciful and that restoration would follow soon after the ravaging that took place. And this is where a measure of creative tension can be ever so helpful. Pray that God would act all the while knowing He knows so much more and understands so much clearer than we could ever wonder or imagine. He truly is a big God with a big heart.

Cheers.

| Of tempests, tantrums, and being trapped in a teapot |

2011-03-10T13:19:00.004-05:00

A while back I used the phrase "a tempest in a teapot" in regards to the devastating raw power of revenge if we let it fester inside of us. Well, now I shall turn to a new way of using that same phrase. I am a tempest in a teapot.

What I mean by this is twofold: first that I'm riled up and spun so tightly that I'm having trouble calming down, and second that there is seemingly nothing I can do about it as I'm stuck in this blasted teapot.

Allow me to explain further. I have this paper due twenty one minutes ago. That's right, it's late. While I don't like handing in papers late (1/3 of a letter grade per day is my penalty), I simply cannot focus enough to actually write a paper right now. It's like I've been spinning and spinning and spinning and now I'm being asked to balance an egg on a spoon and walk. I'm so riled up for God right now - I just want to be in ministry full-time so badly - that it is so hard to buckle down and write a paper I simply do not care about.

Perhaps I should.

But I don't.

You see it's a paper on the historical reliability of the New Testament. Sure, that's a great thing to know and to prove, but it just doesn't mean much when there are people who need the gospel, not some argument that its reliable!

Gah!

Back to trying to write this paper. I've gotta graduate before I can grasp at full-time ministry...Pray for me; I need it right now for focus.

Cheers.

| Of seasons and seeds |

2011-03-08T14:44:00.003-05:00

Facebook is bustling with status' about spring, sunshine, and the demise of winter. Perhaps I'm unique, but I'm not ready for spring just yet. For me, the season of winter is full of the beauty of death. Morbidity aside, death is a much needed part of life. The very act of repentance - indeed the very symbolism of baptism - is death to some lifestyle and life to another.

Consider the imagery of pruning in the study of plants. Sometimes plants need to get rid of their dead weight in order to sustain the rest of their life. Emily and I recently bought a plant from Ikea. We live in a basement and it doesn't get much sunlight. So after a few weeks of some leaves turning brown and falling off, it is now healthy; it can sustain all the leaves it boasts on its branches.

All of this to say, I'm not convinced I'm ready for spring. I still have much to consider and much reflection to endure before I'm ready for the newness of life that spring brings. I find it odd that the Lenten season falls in the season of spring. It's easy to link resurrection and Easter to the season of spring. It's not so easy to link Jesus' journey to the cross - or His gruesome suffering and death - with spring. However, perhaps that is what the gospel of John would articulate, that there is celebration even in the death of Jesus. With this in mind, I'm pretty excited about preaching on March 20 in the sermon series about the passion week of Jesus in the gospel of John.

* * *

In other news, I received a word from God today. It was no audible word, but it was unquestionably from God. Today at Tyndale Tuesday chapel, the preacher was preaching on the widely known passage from Acts 1:8, about being witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth. He said this: the disciples were not from Jerusalem. They were men of Galilee; the angel even greets them that way in Acts 1:11.

To this he noted, our 'Jerusalem' is not our home. Instead, it's where we are right now. For me, my Jerusalem is Toronto. And he said that we should not be quick to run for our 'ends of the earth' immediately. We should work from our 'Jerusalem' outward. And so while I loved my experience in Czech, and I see a need, (and I'll likely go back next year), I need to tend to my 'Jerusalem' - Toronto.

And so I feel confident that God is planting seeds in my heart that will one day flourish into some sort of ministry abroad. But right now, the seeds that God planted in my heart for Toronto are flourishing and I need to grab hold of what God has given me.

I also want to make mention that I write about me. I don't want to speak on behalf of my darling wife Emily, but she is definitely in the picture. So much of God's will depends on where God is calling her - where God is calling both of us. I'm just simply using this blog as a means to communicate my own thoughts and reflections.

Cheers.

| Of the next steps |

2011-03-07T19:31:00.003-05:00

Have you ever experienced a moment - or perhaps a series of moments - where you feel like your feet are dragging to do the thing you've always done? For me I remember jobs I've had where the next (and certainly better) job was already in sight; I remember struggling to drag myself to work, for I had already begun to remove myself mentally from the first in preparation for the second.

Well, this is how I feel right now. God has given me two glimmers of what's next. In the first, I saw a hurting and broken world in the Czech Republic. I saw people who simply know nothing of God. While in Canada people know enough to refute and refuse God; in Czech, people know so little it's alarming. I think I can already say at this point that God is calling me back there someday. Hopefully that someday is soon. Hopefully it is next year.

The second glimmer began today. While Emily awaits news on whether or not she'll be accepted to Tyndale's Bachelor of Education, we have agreed that we both sense God's leading to stay in Toronto. And since we have begun to realize that life will continue here in Toronto, I have begun to wonder what I'm to do in the coming year. And so today after a fun and challenging hockey game, Em and I went to a Tyndale Seminary info meeting. While it all seemed rather interesting but nothing really stood out to me, a single conversation after the meeting caused me to question what's next for me.

You see, I have a growing heartbeat for church planting. Not the kind of church planting that moves people from one "dying" church to a new "thriving" church. No, not that at all. But new inroads for the gospel, new people knowing God, and ministry in brand new ways. The same beautiful gospel message of salvation and grace to a different people and in different packaging.

So I asked about that. And the kind Tyndale chap directed me toward the 'In-Ministry' program. It's basically an MDiv program that is modular and modified into six week courses so that it can be done coincidentally with ministry. I think that was always the scare for me when thinking about a potential masters program, that I might have to sit through more years of school before God would actually use me. But with church planting on the horizon and Wellspring at my side, I'm excited to consider this program as a possibility for what's next.

This is precisely why these glimmers have me dragging my feet a bit. I have a paper looming and I really should be focusing my attention on it, but I cannot focus on the simple and the mundane. God has amazing plans for Em and I! Seven years I've committed to my undergrad (six on and one year off in the middle), and now I can finally see, and I can finally tangibly interact with what's ahead.

Here's the catch. I truly believe that part of God's call and confirmation on His people is left to His people. He may have called me into pastoral ministry, but it took others coming alongside of me and encouraging me and confirming me in order that I would truly know that was the path for me. Likewise, this MDiv program and the prospect of church planting, do you see God using me in this way? What do you - my family and my friends - see God doing with this head, this heart, and these hands and feet?

Cheers.

| Of the power of prayer |

2011-03-04T08:43:00.003-05:00

I wonder, what causes us to pray? What are the driving forces that under gird our desire to see God work? I know for myself, I see a trend in my own life that causes me to stop and think. This trend is simple: when I'm engaged in ministry I tend to pray a lot more.

I liken this to working out or playing a sport. While some of us may be casual water drinkers (I know I am), we notice a need and a thirst for water when we're actively engaged in a sport or challenging activity. And why would it be any different spiritually?

If we are constantly being challenged in and through the act of ministering to people, we need more sustenance to keep us going. Spiritual sustenance that is. And prayer is exactly that. In prayer, we find strength to face the day.

But it's so much more than that, isn't it?

It's not simply about me and my filling so that I can face the day.

When faced with the challenge that ministry provides, I notice that I naturally linger toward the task of prayer. I pray for the people I'm talking to. I pray that God would use me. I pray that God would use my team. I pray that God would break down language barriers. I pray that God would soften hearts. I pray that God would nudge some to step forward in boldness and in faith.

Yet all of this disappears when I'm not in ministry. All of this ceases to be a priority when I'm comfortable. In my day to day school and work life, I don't have those same challenges and I therefore do not have the same tendencies to pray.

And since I can conclude that ministry is one such way to move beyond ourselves and into a place where we are praying for others and reaching out to others, I can conclude that ministry is also a good curative measure for many things. I look at something like depression and see how we tend to treat it with 'turtling'; we remove ourselves from any challenge, hide, and redirect all of our energy and strength inward. Yet it would seem that the best way to overcome depression would be to get out, to face the day, and to be in a state of prayer at all times.

You have to get on the eagle in order to fly on eagles wings.

Cheers.

| A redemptive song |

2011-03-02T13:35:00.010-05:00

Prior to any insightful blogging, I need to give credit where it is due. A few weeks ago Lucas found an Icelandic artist named Ólafur Arnalds, and his music has changed my life. This has been especially true for my bus rides throughout the Czech countryside were made so much more meaningful with beautiful redemptive melodies flowing through the background of my thoughts and reflections.

Step One: Listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tvUPFsaj5s

Step Two: Read the rest of this blog.

Step Three (optional): Listen to it again while reading this blog. :)

Entering the Czech Republic was spiritually terrifying. It was a dark and gloomy place where religious and spiritual language are absent, where churches are few and far between, but where Satan is very much at work in the shadows and hiding places. The first repeated piano section speaks of this gloomy darkness.

Yet in the midst of this darkness, a redemptive melody begins. Enter God. Through long term and short term missionaries alike, God's redemptive song that He sings over us (Zephaniah 3:17) is beautiful and delicate; it dances and surges through our very beings.

The excitement begins to build; God is at work in the Czech Republic. A light is shining and the night is almost over. The dawn of a new day and a new beautiful story gives me hope. We are all moving to God's beat.

The melody changes. God has inspired His people to sing for joy and to pray. It seemed that at the outset of the trip we were a disconnected body of believers praying as many, but by the third day we were praying as one body; we were a single cohesive unit dancing and moving to God's harmony.

My heart broke for the fatherless at the orphanages. I long to be a dad, and I simply cannot fathom such a desertion. Such a scenario of abandonment stands in contrast to God's unfailing and unending love. It's a love that stretches beyond borders and barriers, to our very crumbled and ruined fragments that we call lives.

The week climaxes at the Sunday service and lunch that followed. Worship was beautiful. The Spirit was heavy in that place. Hearts were being formed and reformed. Tears and heavy hearts were in abundance. I know for myself I felt a deep hurt for this place, almost a pity. I'm not sure if God was laying this place on my heart to call me back to it one day, or if He was simply showing me that there are so many needs in this broken world He loves so much.

After the lunch, a string of goodbyes left us feeling incomplete, as though the journey was to be longer and we had so much left to do in Czech. We cried for the church in Czech. Our work will be laden with futility if the church will not follow up with the seeds that have been planted. The harvest is plenty but the workers are few in Czech. God is working in so many lives.

The melody fades and I'm left wondering if I had any impact at all. Were hearts really changed? Did God move in and through our lives?

The same piano that began the song ends it. Hopefully the apathetic and hopeless note that began the song will not be that which concludes it; it is with great hope in our hearts that we look back on such a beautiful and marvelous ten days. God is good. His redemption song is far beyond our understanding.

Thanks for reading.

| Of short term trips |

2011-03-02T06:27:00.003-05:00

In my years of study at Tyndale, I have heard many things about short term mission trips. Many say that the resources consumed by flights, food, and housing could be better used in tangible ways by long term missionaries. And while this may be true economically speaking, I have also learned that God's kingdom has some interesting upside-down economics.

What I have witnessed in these past ten days has been breath taking at times. This is not because of beauty, but because of spiritual desolation. I'm proud to have taken a few days out of my year, to have traveled and witnessed God's beautiful world first hand, but more so to have been vulnerable and malleable such that God would show me His heart, and use me to do something about this spiritual desolation. I'm proud to have stood in the gap as I tried to support long term missionaries in their ministries that sometimes feel futile.

Pray for the church in Czech. Pray that the contrast be noticed, for in the darkest of places a little light has a significant impact. Pray that God would come alongside these beacons of light, give them strength and fuel to keep on burning, and that Satan would not hide them behind screens of deception and deceit. Pray for the church in Hlinsko as it is a city on a hill; may it shine brighter than ever before.

To all my Czech friends, you have been a tremendous blessing. The kindness you have shown me has been unreal. I'm praying that God would lead me back to you in a year's time. May His will be done, not mine.

| Of all things Czech |

2011-02-28T16:46:00.002-05:00

What a rush, what a thrill. With tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, I say goodbye to this great country, to this great people, and to a place that has only up to go. While we may have experienced that the Czech Republic is a dark and atheistic country, a glimmer of light exists in at least one place; there, on the lake at Immanuel Youth For Christ Conference Center, dwells a lighthouse for all who are weary and all who are lost.

In my journey through this foreign land, I have found that one of my best attributes is less than useful. I have found that the gift of well-spoken speech is not near as useful as I’m used to. However, this has caused me to stretch and grow in my understanding of love as a verb, not simply a word. I have had to act on this love that I know so well. Through the small and the mundane, through the smiles, the kindness, and through broken sentences, I have tried my utmost and my best to be one who loves.

I see a need. I see a hurting that calls out to me. I see a wonder that has me dazzled and dazed, wondering if this is where God wants Emily and I. Certainly there are questions and unknowns just around the corner, but I am confident that if I stay centered in God, I will remain in God’s will. And if I never return to this place, it will always be cherished in my heart, and it will certainly be one of the core events that shapes my ministry for God.

The church is broken. It’s severed, with open gashes and only bandaids to stop the bleeding. A single breach of trust leads to a mountain of hurt, and distrust and distance follow. People stop relying on each other. Individuality and selfishness are like vipers waiting to snap their vicious fangs at the most opportune moment. The body ceases to function as it should, and the very fabric of the church splits leaving a new gash to bleed.

As short term missions go, we are not doctors. Only God can truly heal the hurt; only He can repair that which has been broken. But we who are here only for the short term must do our best to comfort and love on the hurting. I was taught in CPR/First Aid that a person in shock needs a blanket, comfort, and constant conversation. In a similar way, we are not there to mend the gashes, but to provide comfort, to show God’s love in tangible ways, and to plead that God would heal. “Comfort, oh comfort my people.” (Isaiah 40)

When I say plead, I do not simply mean that we pray. I mean a specific type of prayer; I mean prayer that begs and begs and begs some more, such that our persistence pleads God to move and act. The parable that Jesus teaches in Luke 11 on prayer is one that resonates with this idea. God calls us to knock fervently and without end. He urges us to call out to him again and again, and to knock persistently on his door.

God, may You be with these people,
May you turn Your face to shine upon them,
May you shine Your light here in this place,
And turn apathy into passion, and sorrow into joy.

God, I’m asking You to heal,
May you repair all who are hurting,
May you strengthen all who are weak,
And turn pain into endurance, and decay into new life.

God, remember Your people here,
May you rise up a nation after You,
May you enlarge Your territory,
And use Your servants to increase Your kingdom.

Amen.

| Czech days 6 and 7 |

2011-02-26T18:19:00.005-05:00

Just a quick hit about day 6.
Our last hockey game was on day 6. I stayed back from the morning English classes to finalize my sermon that I'll be delivering today. Then the few of us that stayed back drove in for the last two classes of English before lunch. Lunch was delicious. Then there was English Club, which was a group in the Czech high school that met to practice English through a variety of games and lessons. That was very fun, for each person there wanted to be there. They all had very well developed English, especially for non-native speakers.

In the afternoon we played some fun games with the youth group, made a quick stop back at Immanuel for dinner, and then off to Jilhava for the hockey game. We were greeted by reporters and fans of Jilhava in the stand. They had a drummer. Setting aside our three former losses, we prepared to play and to play hard. While we may have gotten the early lead, they were the better team in the end.

Alas, Scott's testimony was pure, genuine, and perfectly placed; it was the ideal testimony to be shared with these guys. The final score was 7-4 but we were winners. In fact, we were received like winners at the post-game pub, for the Jilhava team wanted to go out for drinks afterward. The lack of English proved to be a barrier of sorts, but there were some barriers that were overcome. This one story stands out as an example:

We had played a few of our games with some Czech players on our team, to help fill out our roster. One such player was named Daniel. His English was near-non-existent, but he seemed happy to play with us. After the fourth loss (the third of his in our uniform), he made a comment to Martin (our translator) that it is weird seeing so much joy and happiness even after a loss. He said that when Czech's lose, they are not happy. And this really resonated with the testimony Adam gave, that we don't need to win to be winners in God's eyes. We find our validation and our purpose in God alone.

On day 7 we came to a town today called Kutna Hora. In this town we went to a place called the bone church. It was a church that I walked into unaware of what was ahead. The outside of the church – its very grounds – is a graveyard full of the graves of many. Some forty-thousand people have been buried under its foundation, and bones litter its inner most sanctuary. In fact, the decor of this church is hanging bones and skulls.

It was certainly an experience that spoke to the mortality of all. From dust we were created, and to dust we will return. Old bones – emotionless, spiritless, fleshless bones – this is what we become when we die. Yet in the midst of a skeletal nightmare there is the crucified Christ, hanging from the tree that would bring life to all, should they receive it.

As bones are the ultimate symbol of death and destruction, so the tree is the ultimate symbol of life, as it overwhelms and overpowers death. The blood of one shed for all. Yet he has no bones. Christ has no deceased body. The resurrected Son of Man did not stay dead to rot and ruin, for instead he rose to the right hand of the Father and reigns supremely. And it is with fear and trembling that we work out our salvation. And it is with confidence that we approach the throne of His grace. We are overcomers of death because death has no power over us any longer.

Cheers.

| Czech day five |

2011-02-23T20:06:00.001-05:00

So I was asked to guest-author the SOS trip blog. In lieu of writing two blogs, here is a link to the trip blog that you can peruse.

http://www.canadasos.ca/tripblog/

| Of espresso and Czech day four |

2011-02-22T11:21:00.004-05:00

While much is still likely to happen today (it's only 5pm here), I felt the need to blog about what has already happened today.

It began early. I was awakened by my insecurities and a nightmare at around 4:30am. I hopped out of bed and found myself in the bathroom sweating. Instead of trying to go back to bed, I decided to see what time it was, and upon finding out the time, I opted to stay up and call Emily.

After a great early morning conversation (late night for her), I blogged, cried, and got ready for the day. I specifically remember writing my blog and the tears rolling down my face, for Martin turned to me and asked if he could pray for anything. There wasn't anything to pray for, for God had already broken my heart a bit for what breaks His.

By 7:30am we were off to school in Pardubice. At a local business high school, we worked alongside of english classes by entering into mundane and ordinary conversations all day long. This helped to strengthen and challenge the english language skills of the students. For many of them, this was their first experience with native-english speakers.

One rather interesting thing was that none of them could even fathom what a 'pastor' or 'priest' was, and there was seemingly no language to describe it. In fact, religious language seems to be rather lost in the culture. Perhaps this is indicative of just how lost the Czech culture is from God; they have little language to even comprehend Him, His church, or His people.

After the english classes (we were done by 1:15pm), we were given the afternoon to shop, eat, and relax. I had the most delicious prosciutto and mushroom pizza, followed by an espresso with dinner. Then at the mall I stocked up on some snacks, and another espresso. European coffee is so much better than Canadian coffee. I will surely miss it.

Well, dinner is in a half hour, followed by some more downtime, and a hockey game at 9pm Czech time (3pm Toronto time). Go SOS Canada!

Cheers.

- - - - - -

Well we lost the hockey game, though we made it close in the third. Altogether I'm not too worried about winning or losing, for our purpose is to shine the light of Christ into the darkness in Czech through the game of hockey. Even when we're down, I see smiles and laughter. Joy even in loss, that is the result of joy founded in Christ!

After arriving back at Immanuel, I went to my room and prepared some of my sermon. The sound of many voices downstairs grabbed my interest, and so I ventured forth to explore. To my surprise, the team had all gathered and was entering into a time of sharing. And so just as I had begun to think that maybe prayer and the spiritual dimension of this trip was not going to take a place of importance, I was blown away by the stories, the encouragement, and the sharing of the whole team. The Spirit had been leading all of us as individuals, as though each were playing a part in the grand orchestra wherein the the Spirit was the conductor.

Altogether, many tears were shed. God is breaking hearts and working through each of us here. It's incredible to see the seeds that have been planted and nourished over years of work begin to flourish and blossom. For anyone entering into ministry, this is why continuity and follow up is so important. We see the same in the life and ministry of Paul in Acts; he was always travelling back through the same cities and his letters were another source of encouragement.

Stay tuned. Day five is already well on its way and I'm sensing exciting things ahead. Maybe our first win? Hopefully.

| Of tears for the fatherless; Czech day three |

2011-02-22T00:04:00.006-05:00

At the dawn of day 4, I'll look back and reflect on day 3.

Monday February 21st was a fairly long and rigorous day. Painting in the morning hours gave way to a quick lunch on route to an orphanage that primarily supports 0-3 year olds, with some up to age 5 or so. While this orphanage appeared well equipped and supported financially, it became incredibly clear almost immediately that there was a tremendous need there.

It was not a need for money or for toys, for they had many, but for love. The simple investment of play, of smiles, and of time. After the tour of the place, I spent the brunt of my time there outside with the kids in the onsite playground area. The barrier of language was one that could be overcome by dinosaur games, slides, and being launched into the air only to be caught and launched again.

One thing that resonated with me was that the children see many females (their mothers, the staff, the nurses), but they do not see or interact with many males. The fathers are absent and there aren't many men in the field. And I have to be honest, I noticed this in their play. At first the kids were a bit stand-off-ish, but once the walls were down their favourite play pays were the guys. I had the opportunity to go down the slide with a half dozen different kids. They were encouraged by my example, it would seem, and they all wanted to join in. At one point the girl in the lead of the stair climb to the slide got her mitten caught. Like a 401 collision the whole group of kids stopped and almost ran each other over. Cute kids.

But one kid stood out to me most. She was a little girl with downs syndrome. Language aside, she and I communicated through signs. She insisted that I go down the slide before her, every time! She was just so cute. When I got into the train that was far too small for my body, she was one of the first to come and join me inside.

I think above all, my heart broke for the fatherless. That in all the world, there are so many with a need for a father, and yet so many don't turn to Abba Father, the God who loves his children and is so willing to adopt many into his family. I think that my heart broke because of the few moments of joy that were plopped in between lives of hardship. Some of these kids were 'unadoptable' on the grounds of race, health, or disability. And with tears in my eyes, I can proudly say that God's kingdom is not based on these divisions; come one, come all, come all who are thirsty and drink of living water.

And even though I'm experiencing some stretching, some discomfort, and some challenging social dimensions, God is so good! His will be done. His will be done.

Thanks for reading.

| Czech days one and two |

2011-02-20T15:17:00.002-05:00

It has been a couple days of firsts for me.

On the exciting side, my first flight was pleasant (although I was in the middle

{ x x | x ME x | x x } ), and my second flight was super enjoyable (thanks Heather for letting me have your window seat). Also, my first time ordering McDonald's in a foreign country went well...I ended up getting the "Swiss King", which consisted of a swiss bacon burger with a hashbrown on it...YUMMY!

On the nerve-racking side, I had my first bus ride on a windy road in a foreign country with signs I cannot read. I really had to learn to let go and enjoy the ride.

All of our baggage arrived on time (though I forgot to pack body wash - yet we bought a bunch of them), and we arrived here at Immanuel Youth for Christ center in time for a quick shower, an unpack/sort, and dinner. Dinner was delicious. European coffee tastes better than North American coffee.

Life is good.

Tomorrow is an early start, work projects (I'm painting a couple of rooms), lunch, visiting the orphanage, dinner, and then our first hockey game.

| Of five-A-M musings |

2011-02-18T04:59:00.003-05:00

I'm awake. It's five in the morning and I've been awake for an hour and a half now. Is this what insomnia feels like? Or is this just God trying to tell me something?

While in my awake state of mind, I found myself scanning through facebook when I stumbled upon a familiar face. My old roommate and housemate Chris Jardin is now on facebook. For as long as I've known Chris, he's wanted to be a pirate, he's been unpredictable, and he's been a wanderer. By perusing through some of his musings, it seems that he's doing some pretty wonky wandering. http://chrisjardin.wordpress.com/

But, alas, he's hardly what I'm concerned about in this five-A-M blog. Having gone our separate ways a few years back, he is merely the archetype of a wanderer. It's something God has had me thinking about since September as we studied A Canticle for Leibowitz (Miller Jr) and City of God (Saint Augustine). The idea that God has his people as wanderers in this wonky world is certainly an interesting one to ponder.

I guess at this point I want to distinguish and fine tune what it is I mean. I think we can all agree that we're all going somewhere and doing something. We all have goals - whether they be big or small remains a mute point - and we all move toward them. Some goals are more noble or lofty than others, but again, a mute point. But this is fundamentally different than being wanderers. Nomads, sojourners, pilgrims, these might be better words.

I think as Christians we might point to heaven as this destination point. But again I think that we're called to sojourn on this earth in the flesh, and I don't think we can ever muster up our own strength to meander our way to heaven (sorry Pelagians). I guess this boils down to 'running the race with endurance' - a phrase in the book of Hebrews. Perseverance even when it's hard. Pressing on, pressing on, ever pressing on. But to where?

I can't really say. Part of what I'm struggling with is the where. And when I get there, it's far too easy to settle down, hunker down, and prepare to stay a long time. But does the journey not continue? Perhaps the journey is how it all begins, but too soon we stop moving, our feet become heavy, and we settle down into mundane repetition. I can't say that I'm looking forward to that.

Perhaps this is the danger of the church. We can look back through Israel's history as a wandering people led by God. Yet as soon as they reached their goal (the promised land) they stopped looking to God for his leading. The settled down, laid down roots, and took up idols. Maybe churches begin this way, taking the Great Commission of Matthew 28 to heart, or they forgot that they were witness in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). If the early church had stopped their journey short - say around Judea - they would never have spread to Samaria, to Syria, to Asia, and to Macedonia. But the early church pressed on and pushed out.

I don't want to stop short and miss out on the journey.

I don't want to plant a church only then to sit in a building and idly pass the time.

I want to go places and meet people who need God, and then invite them to journey at my side until God reveals the path he has for them.

Alas. As I clear the air and give way to a good rant, I am drowsy anew. Praise God.

| Of coordinated hearts and eyes |

2011-02-16T10:59:00.005-05:00

I tend to distance myself from mounting excitement. When I think about an exciting day or event in the future, I start to get that jittery feeling and I can't sleep very well. I convince myself that Christmas Eve is just another night, so that maybe I might be able to sleep before Christmas arrives. Well, the mounting excitement has amassed an army and it has sieged my defenses. I am excited about going to Czech Republic!

I'm actually too excited. I can't focus. I am supposed to be studying for a midterm that I'm to take tomorrow, or writing a paper that is due on Friday, but instead I'm playing my guitar and writing a song. I even tried having a cold shower to snap out of it, perhaps to refocus myself, but that simply amounted to an intriguing concept: heart-eye coordination.

You see, I'm a sports enthusiast. Hand-eye coordination is a very important skill in the game of hockey, for example. Prior to my floor hockey games, I spend more time juggling the ball around on my stick than I do stretching or shooting. For me, the skills will follow if my hand-eye coordination is good. And so I wonder about the idea of heart-eye coordination. Perhaps it stems from a Bill Hybels concept, a holy discontent. For Hybels, this is the thing that breaks your heart and causes you to act on it. It's different than a passion or a life-goal; it's a God-given, innate heartbeat for an issue or an injustice that you simply must try to remedy.

I wonder if having our hearts and our eyes coordinated in unison, if we would truly see the things that break God's heart, and then act on them. Perhaps when we walk downtown and we a homeless guy asking for money, instead of walking past and making an excuse in our head, our eyes would be so in tune with our heart that we would be moved to stop and to act.

Just like in the game of hockey, if our hand-eye coordination is good, the necessary skills will follow, so too if our heart-eye coordination is good, we will reach out and we will act upon injustice.

So God, I've been working through checklists, and I've been intricately packing everything I need. But what I really need is for my heart to respond to what You're going to show me. Give me eyes to see all it is You want.

As Bright As You'll Make Me
Written by Steve Coupland on February 16, 2011

Verse
Give me eyes to see all it is You want
And may my heart beat ever after You
And may my reservations slip away
And all these hindrances hide their face
For my light has come and going forth to shine

Refrain
I will follow
Where You will lead me
For Your glory

I will rise up
As bright as You’ll make me
I’ll be light to Your world

Verse
Give me empathy for those who break Your heart
Lend me strength to lift up those who’ve fallen down
And may apathy break beneath
The overwhelming love You breathe
For my light has come and You’re sending me to shine

| Use your head and your heart |

2011-02-12T06:36:00.002-05:00

So, I'm a fan of intelligent prayer. What I mean by this is that God has given us mental faculties and we should use them in our prayer. As communication with and worship of this God we serve, giving our all and our best is important. I guess I say this as a knee-jerk-reaction to some people I know who pray with a repeated emphasis on the name of Jesus. While I'm not opposed to praying in the name of Jesus - in fact it's exactly what I'm in favour of - the psalms and the Lord's prayer are good examples of praying with specifics in mind.

On the flip side, I do wonder what it would take for me to become so desperate and so overwhelmed that in my prayers to God, all I could offer up were the words "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". Perhaps there is some merit to the desperation of these types of prayers - for they are not claiming anything save for the blood of the one who gave it all. However, I do feel that there is a culture in some circles that overdoes the use of the name, as though it's a refrain.

Perhaps the most shocking moment happened to me the other day when a coworker of mine was tired and instead of making a noise of exasperation, this person claimed the blood of Jesus. I'm no theologian, but I'm pretty sure the blood of Jesus was life saving, not energy restorative.

Anyway, I digress. So I'm a fan of intelligent prayers. So if you want to intelligently pray for me as I head to Czech in a week (for 10 days), here are a few items that I'm dealing with:

still have two midterms and a paper to finish before I go
my sermon that is to be delivered in Czech through a translator is only about 30% completed, and I really need to get it done asap so that my translator can familiarize himself with it
I'm feeling overtired and worn out, and things are only going to get busier as the trip nears
I'm not very good at packing, so pray that I'll somehow see the best way to fit everything I need in with my hockey equipment
Pray that my eyes would see what God sees, and that my heart would break for what breaks His heart.

Thanks.

Be blessed.

| Too much to do to not spend time in prayer |

2011-02-08T10:35:00.002-05:00

Exhaustion has set in. I woke up in the middle of the night to a terrifying dream: I was in Czech and I was called on to preach, but I had nothing to say. Words were beyond me, just out of my reach. I was startled and found myself immediately wide awake.

Perhaps in the past I would get up. I'd take this dream as some sort of divine initiation to get up, dig deep in the word, and prepare my sermon. Truthfully, many of my sermons are birthed from moments like these. However, last night, I could not fathom doing so.

I'm just too tired.

With a presentation today, a major paper on the horizon, a check list full of unchecked boxes in my head, and the anticipation of going abroad to the Czech Republic, I'm overwhelmed. It's probably the reason that I have not blogged lately.

Yet I'm reminded of the wisdom of a very wise man. George Budd - pastor and spiritual director - once said, "I've got too much to do today to not spend an hour in prayer." How true it is that our efforts are all in vain, and our juggling all for naught, when we forget to bring everything - everything! - to God in prayer.

So for all you who master the art of multitasking - quite like myself - take time to stop doing much, quiet yourself down, and be still and know that He is God. I'm going to do likewise, because I certainly can't keep up this pace for much longer.

Cheers.

| Of the journey, ever onward |

2011-01-31T12:54:00.007-05:00

Just a poetic and rather random thought pattern.

You are on a journey, nomadic, sporadic, ever wandering through this maze of life.

You are a pilgrim called to be potent and bright - salt and light - standing opposed to apathy and plight.

As a sojourner, you keep your eyes to the city of God, your feet ever moving through the city of Man, and your hands free to serve and to save.

As a child of light, you empty yourself, strip away conceit and pride; you step aside, to show light, pure light.

And yet you linger long on certain treasures, worldly pleasures, weighing your wealth on earthly measures.

You begin to store up for yourself gold and silver - heavy as they may be - and you use your hands instead to polish and to shine these, your precious.

Your pace slows, stalls, stops, and eventually you are too tired to carry on.

You settle down, set up fences and walls, and begin to convince yourself that keeping the world out is your call.

Instead of venturing into the public and profane streets, you house up holy thoughts behind high walls and strong towers.

Instead of reaching out with empty hands and brilliant radiant light, you block out darkness and hold your doors firmly.

Instead of stepping forth to change the world one unredeemed moment at a time, you pray that God's will be done.

But what is His will, other than that you would be a liberator, an overcomer, a sojourner ever reaching and ever shining for His glory?

Forget not the journey, forget not the purpose you were called to.

Lift up your heads, oh you gates, be lifted up you Ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord is upon you.

| Of cut and paste monsters |

2011-01-29T13:45:00.001-05:00

I've been pondering and mulling over the idea of monstrosity lately. We're all a little bit like monsters at times; we all have some truly disfigured and disformed monstrous internal qualities about us. In my last blog I wrote a poem that - for me - was a representation of the process of redemption, from creation to monstrosity to new creation. Then today as I was playing around on my guitar, I found an old song that I'd written in August 2008. It's entitled Paper and Glue.

It's really about the shape that this monstrosity takes in my life. While it may be frail and fragile, it is a cut and paste composition of an internal suffering. So before you read it and think that I'm suicidal or depressed, I'm not. I'm just really intrigued by the idea of sin and how it takes so many shapes in our lives. For me, I recognize it, see it, hear it, and despise it. For others it is a skulking stalking shadowy figure that hides in the deep caverns of the heart.

Paper and Glue - Steve Coupland, August 27 2008
Break my skin, make me bleed
I need this, I need to concede to
Suffering, and selflessness
A lessened me means a greater you

Refrain
For underneath this fragment of skin
Dwells a monster made of paper and glue
A construct, a masterpiece
Ever-growing, and ever-hungry too

And this monster simply subjects me
Muddles my memory, and makes my heart unglue
And my morality faces fatality
I’m no more a servant, but a slave to paper and glue

Bridge
Is there hope for me?
Can I overcome?
With claws dug in so deeply
Can we find a way
For me to escape?
Oh take all of me, take its place

So break my skin, make me bleed
Begin the purging that I so desperately need
Then take up scissors, dig them in deeply
No remorse for paper, no sympathy for glue

| I am worshiper; I am loved |

2011-01-25T14:15:00.006-05:00

I am clay; man made from dirt, breathed into life, moulded and shaped by the Potter into vessel of worship.

I am worshiper; man given purpose, meaning instilled, posture attributed so that I may fix my eyes to the Mountain and before Him bow low.

I am lowly; fallen, fruit of temptation casting me down, burden of sin drawing me downward into the pit of despair.

I am despair; hopeless and hapless, unable to climb out from the mire or the fire, from judgment or calamity.

I am calamity; warring against friend or foe, disaster lashing out void of rational, a make-shift monster moulded from muck.

I am monstrous; hideous self, self loathing and self destructing, longing for freedom but finding only rejection.

I am rejected; unloved and undead, a walking self-hating zombie, covered in the scabs and sores of sin.

Yet I am accepted; welcomed by an inclusive Son of Man, losing life and gaining life, monstrosity embraced, calamity calmed, and rejection ruined.

I am ruined; destroyed and amazed, knowing not love until love was poured out.

I am loved; cherished and pursued by whip and tree, my scabs and sores nailed to flesh, offering eternal hope.

I am hopeful; the need has passed to climb forth from the pit, he on Jacob’s ladder carrying me up toward redemption.

I am redeemed; brokenness surrendered, uselessness offered up on bended knee, broken cistern made new by the Potter.

I am new; hard and brittle clay made malleable again, reformed and refashioned into vessel of worship.

I am worshiper; new eyes to see, new hands to stretch out, and new songs to sing about love.

| Of magazines and coffee shops |

2011-01-24T15:49:00.002-05:00

I began my Tyndale experience in 2004. For two years I tried my best at an education, only to realize that my desires and my passions weren't for an education at that point in time. After a year off, I came back to Tyndale in 2007, met the girl of my dreams, and lived happily ever after.

For so long, I've been asked about school and work. 'How many more courses?', 'When do you graduate?'. But now that I am graduating, the line of questioning is much different. 'What are you going to do after your graduate?'

I've always had a rather witty response to the first line of questioning, for it will have taken me six years to finish my BA, and so, like God, I will do work for six and then rest. But now that graduation draws near, I really must approach the all too scary reality that a year of rest is neither realistic nor desired. I didn't struggle and toil through six years of school only then to sit on my education. Thus, I have turned to lofty dreams and unimaginable heights for inspiration. What is my heartbeat for this life? What is God's heartbeat for my life?

I know I love two things: coffee and God. I love the idea of a third-space café church, where people gather to commune with one another and with God, over a hot coffee. However, I'm not really sure where lofty dream meets realistic goal; I'm not sure how to actually go about doing this. I really wish I'd taken one or two less religious studies courses and one or two more business courses. Then I might know how to run a not-for-profit organization.

What do you think? Is it feasible? Is it an interesting idea? Is it Biblical?

Beyond that, I'd really love to start a magazine (aka a 'zine). I like the idea of un|bind as a title. I think it could start out as a Wellspring-specific outlet, communicating the hard truth about addictions that - for the most part - the church is not really addressing. There is so much hindering and binding people in this day, and it breaks my heart to see these obstructions hold people back from really embracing God and being embraced by Him.

To my readers, would you consider posting some thoughts in this 'zine, if it took flight? Certainly a magazine full of a single author would get a little repetitive.

Cheers.

| The senseless pursuit of worthlessness |

2011-01-23T08:47:00.002-05:00

Too often I have seen and heard of people who once claimed the mantle of Christ and now no longer do. Their eternal destination is beyond my comprehension, and so I will not venture in that direction with this entry. But I do wonder why. Why give up something of so much worth as a result of its mere inconvenience? Is there any other reason? None that I can come to right now.

When I think about the journey of the Christian life, I cannot help but think of its all encompassing nature. The Christian life is not a funky armband you wear that lets you store your salvation like you would store your Ipod or Iphone. No, the Christian life is - at first sight - burdensome. We are called to let go of worldly treasures, to pick up a big ol' cross, put on full spiritual armour, and then journey through life as the enemy shoots venomous arrows at us. It's a funny picture, but one that most Christians take seriously; the Christian life requires our all.

And yet there are some who seemingly turn away from God, giving up the Christian life in favour of all sorts of earthly treasures and pleasures. The inconvenience of the cross and the armour and of being the subject of target practice seems to outweigh the twofold prize: then and now, future and present.

I love the words of Jesus as he states, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" Thus the prize for "then" becomes eternal life with God through Christ Jesus. And the prize for now becomes a plethora of amazing gifts: safety, security, passion, vision, truth, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and so on, and so forth.

Perhaps the inconvenience begins with the illusion that we can have both the world and our soul. Perhaps there is a sneaky desire to have it all. Or perhaps we are like children who constantly test our Father. We slowly - one piece at a time - grab hold of the world and look to heaven to see if He will punish us. But I assure you, our punishment is our miscalculation. Economically speaking, giving up some temporary loot in favour of eternal and everlasting riches, you'd be a fool to give up on God. This is why I say, giving up on God is the senseless pursuit of worthlessness.

| Un|bind |

2011-01-22T13:02:00.006-05:00

I tend to linger on certain snippets of Scripture for extended periods of time. For a while it was the great 'hymn of Christ' of Philippians 2:5-11. As of late, I have lingered long on the words of Jesus in Luke 4, as he quotes the prophet Isaiah.

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor."

I believe that the Spirit may even be directing me toward this verse for the Hlinsko CZ sermon that I'm to preach. While it is not the gospel message per se, it is the gospel implication. Certainly we would all agree that the gospel message is that this Son of God entered into frail flesh and blood, lived among us, humbled himself to persecution and eventual death, only then to rise from the dead three days later, thus defeating death and ushering in the age of new life through the Spirit. The gospel implication then, is to be people who mirror the life of the Son, who proclaim this good news to the poor, who proclaim freedom for prisoners (of flesh and of spirit), who do our best to give sight to the blind, to take a stand against the oppression of the evil one, and to declare this all in the name of the Lord and his favour upon us.

To me, this is what being unbound is all about; to me, the gospel offers us release from all that binds us. And as we are unbound from all that corrupts, contains, and constrains us, we then are called to be people who unbind the nations.

Where the Spirit of the Lord, there is freedom. (2 Corinthians 3:17)

I urge you to consider your own freedom. How free are you?

| Of old faith and new frontiers |

2011-01-21T10:52:00.004-05:00

We've all heard the oft-used metaphor of the mustard seed. 'We can move mountains if we have faith the size of a mustard seed'. Well, a few months back now, I was asked to consider joining a missions trip overseas to Hlinsko, Czech. It would be a trip that used the game of hockey as a springboard to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ across the world.

I must admit that I envisioned faith to take on a very concrete size and shape at that point in time. I must also admit, it wasn't a mustard seed. It was $2300 *sigh*. I distinctly remember walking and praying, asking God to help me make this decision. I remember wanting God to make the first step. I wanted God to "show me the money" before I was willing to take a step, no - a leap - of faith. Yet as the Spirit moves in wonderful and mysterious ways, so the Spirit reminded me of something I had forgotten to remember.

You see, last year I had taken a course on the book of Hebrews. Part of our class mark came from memorizing and reciting a chunk of the book. I chose Hebrews 11 for I could easily break the section down into little sections, each with its own hero of faith. Hebrews 11 is about faith. It begins with "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." And so this verse that I had memorized last year now came to the forefront of my mind, and God told me to have that kind of faith.

Instead of waiting for God to make the first move, He called me to leap out in faith, knowing full well that he would provide for my every need. And now I'm going to Czech. Next month I'll get on my very first plane, use my very first passport, and enter into a new frontier of life. I'll be stretched thin and stretched wide, but God is good and He will sustain me. I even get to preach through a translator while I'm there. Exciting and terrifying times await me, but I'm glad to be going with good friends.

The following is my support letter. I encourage you to read it and consider supporting me through prayer or through a one-time donation. "For the cost of a cup of coffee a day, you can..." Okay, I won't go there.

God bless.

-steve

Hello Friends and Family, February 18-March 1, 2011

I am excited to tell you that this coming February, I will be travelling to Czech Republic for a ten day missions trip. I will be joining the organization SOS Canada (Salvation on Skates), an organization that has been reaching out and ministering to people in Hlinsko, CZ since 2006 through the game of hockey. The game of hockey is used to break down barriers so that the gospel of Jesus Christ can be shared. However, hockey is not all that we will be doing in Hlinsko this February. We will be sharing our testimonies in public schools, spending quality time with kids in the orphanages, teaching ESL classes, and working alongside a local church, all for the glory of God! I will also have the opportunity to preach at a local church in Czech through a translator.

Czech is a lot like Canada. They have a similar climate, friendly people, and they love their hockey. While hockey is not the total focus of our trip, it is important to give us an opening to share our faith. The Czech Republic, formerly part of Czechoslovakia, was under communist rule until 1989, so there still is very little Christian influence. We are not there to force our beliefs on them, but to let them know that we care, and to share our reason for traveling so far.

God is truly wonderful and mysterious. I never saw myself going overseas on mission. Yet He has put together the challenge of mission with my favourite sport in the world; comfort with challenge. He truly knows the hairs on my head!

So what can you do to help?

One of the joys of this trip is that so many of us are from different churches. That means all of these churches are part of commissioning and praying for this trip. I need you to pray. Pray that God would work in great and mighty ways, that language would not be a barrier, that the gospel message would be planted on good soil, and that God would be glorified in and through this trip.

One of the challenges of this trip is its financial cost. If you are able, any donation to this cause would be greatly appreciated, as it will cost me $2300 to go. SOS Canada is a non-profit ministry registered with the Canadian Revenue Agency. To support me financially, make the cheque out to SOS Canada and attach a note indicating your support for me, as well as your personal information (name, mailing address). Donations can also be given in person or through the mail.

Thank you for your support, I trust that God has a plan for this trip specifically and I hope that I can be used to achieve His purpose.

“The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

-Numbers 6:24-26

| Of building blocks and writers block |

2011-01-18T21:36:00.002-05:00

I have writers block.

I've written a half dozen half blogs, only to find myself unsatisfied with the blog in some manner.

Any thoughts or inspiration?

| a tempest in a teapot |

2011-01-13T10:00:00.003-05:00

So I'm not perfect. While I doubt this is a surprise to anyone, I figured that I should post that sign high above my blog. Many of the entries I write are reflective in some manner, but they can appear to be thoughtful consideration directed outward, with little personal application of my own. Perhaps as a person and as a blogger, I keep people at arms length, rarely allowing for the type of close relationship that enables people to tangibly interact with my brokenness and my flaws. /preface.

While at the gym last night, I was listening to a sermon from one David McGhee. A Freedomize Toronto preacher of olde, David was preaching from Romans 12:17-21. It was a message on revenge. While running and biking and "pumping iron", I listened as David eloquently and artfully spoke painful truth into my life. I can be a person who struggles to forgive; I can be a person who desires to see the wicked punished. Like the psalmist or like Jeremiah the prophet, I can be one who enjoys seeing the righteous prosper and the wicked suffer. I like justice. No, I love justice.

I can get so bent out of shape over the actions of others, all the while forgetting that my actions can be equally as hurtful or crude. And then I found this phrase in a theological textbook, "a tempest in a teapot". I've not used it in the same context as the book, for instead I saw it as a looming disaster contained in a very small and fragile package. As the vengeance inside of me slowly spins, eventually it becomes a surging and spinning tempest. And yet I am a broken cistern of Jeremiah 2; I am a fragile little teapot. The tempest inside of me - if left unmanaged - will eventually break free of me and wreak disaster on others. And yet this is what the vengeance inside of me wants; this is what the tempest desires.

God spoke to me last night about my own life. Through the voice of David, God called me to look inward at the surging winds that I have allowed to gather speed. He called me to consider my own desire for vengeance, and then to vanquish it with love. In Romans 12:17-21, Paul speaks about repaying evil for evil, and then contrasts it with the repaying of evil with love. That to truly lavish love on an enemy - to lay aside hurt and hate and truly encourage or exalt an enemy - that this action is like heaping burning coals on their head. This act of unhindered and untamed love will actually be more influential and more powerful than allowing the tempest to be set free.

I know that I stopped in my tracks and thought about a certain co-worker that I have. This week I'm going to try and show love to this person. Perhaps it will break the spiral of vengeance that exists between us. Perhaps it will calm the storm that lays siege to my cracked and fragile teapot.

Thanks for reading.

Oh, and check out David's "vintage" sermons at http://www.freechurch.ca/Content.xjp?novar=&id=662&CalendarSearchType=SPEAKERALL&CalendarSearchText=David+McGhee

| Luke 3 - Baptism and the Spirit |

2011-01-09T19:22:00.003-05:00

New sermon up. Check it out if you so desire.
http://www.wellspringtoronto.ca/church/Podcast/Entries/2011/1/9_January_9%2C_Steven_Paul_Coupland.html

| Of a year gone by and family |

2010-12-25T21:18:00.004-05:00

As last years studies gave way to summer classes, and summer classes gave way to fall classes, and fall classes eventually gave way to Christmas break, I can look back on the year past and be glad for so much. Beyond being my graduating year (finally), I'm just so glad for family. Perhaps it's cliché to say, but the prayerful support and endless encouragement from my wife and best friend Emily and from my wonderful parents (all of you) has meant so much this year. This year especially - I would say - for this year has been busy and bumpy, cluttered and chaotic, like moguls and like big air. It has been a year to remember for God has done so much good, and He is truly working in Emily and I for some pretty gnarly things (that's right, I said gnarly). It has also been a year to forget as there has been growing hurt and resentment amidst loved ones.

Yet in the midst of it all, this cast of family has been so supportive. Even though visits have been fewer, and family seems so far away at times, we persevere knowing that our families love us and are proud of us.

And it wouldn't be a Christmas blog if I didn't tie it into the birth narrative of the Saviour. The child Immanuel, come to dwell among us, to save us, to proclaim freedom to the captive, sight for the blind, healing for the sick; all to welcome us into His family.

Well, back to work. Another hour and a half of Christmas Day at work. Thanks for reading.

| Making time for tears |

2010-12-19T18:58:00.002-05:00

In the last week I've rekindled my long lost love for music. I'm the type of person who can go long periods of time without really listening to any music. Today, while driving in the car, I happened upon Hello Kelly's No Time for Tears, a song about the effects of a broken home and broken family.

Lead singer and writer Francois Goudreault of Hello Kelly writes this piece from the first person, depicting the breakdown of vows and promises while he himself has no time for tears. Expectations mount and troubles reach record highs, yet he is unable to truly mourn the situation. He's so caught up in it all as he's the product of a segmented family where both parties put forth their best effort for normalcy.

During the bridge of the song, he writes,

I can't blame you it's not your fault, you've thrown away this time.

I can't blame you it's not your fault, and everything you have is dying.

You can't blame me it's not my fault, and God knows that I've tried.

You can't blame me it's not my fault, and it's not on me to make this right.

Lately I find myself so willing to throw blame around. People in my life have caused so much hurt to those around me. The ugly nature of divorce is that there is blame and hurt, but ultimately it's simply a situation wherein all parties experience pain and all are in need of forgiveness. However, Francois so beautifully articulates that it's not on the child to make it right. Ultimately, parents have to step up and show their children that they love them.

I fully intend to be the sort of dad who loves recklessly to the point of irrational pursuit. For me, I model this off of God's unfailing and unceasing pursuit of his children. But I'm not perfect and I'll inevitably fall short. The important thing is that I never give up pursuing; love does not give up.

While Francois entitles this song No Time for Tears, I think that tears are so important for the process of mourning and moving on. I might even say forgiveness hinges on the ability to really mourn something and then let it go. Making time for tears is needed.

Cheers.

Here is a link to the full lyrics:

http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/lyricsdetail.php?lyrics_id=42039

Here is a link to the full song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkX4bG0kvh0

| Of broken telephones |

2010-12-14T06:26:00.002-05:00

While I may have one of my most daunting exams ahead of me, my mind is not quite focused on the course material right now. In fact, I cannot quite get over how very interesting social habits are, especially within certain circles. I cannot fathom the necessity for talking about people behind their backs when those same people would love to engage in a conversation to clear things up and to bring healing. (I'm speaking intentionally in generalities here, not wanting to single out my intended recipient...but you know who you are.)

I simply must vent. I think that is the problem. We all feel an internal desire to express ourselves. When frustration mounts to a boiling point, we simply must blow off steam. When life is overwhelming we find someone to talk to or to find support from. Yet I wonder why it's not possible to go to the root of this mounting frustration and simply deal with the problem. It seems altogether rational for this type of approach.

Alas, this is not the case. And I find myself the source of slander and slur alike. Like wildfire, people casually (yet secretively) pass on the hearsay; like a game of broken telephone, the message changes slightly with each transaction.

But this I know: I'm here. I have a phone, and it's not broken. I have many ways to be reached. If you harbour ill feelings for me, let's talk.

That's all.

| Of headaches and helpful hints |

2010-12-03T16:25:00.002-05:00

I have a headache.

It's the type of headache that beats to a slow monotonous pulsating beat in the back of the head.

I'm also not the type to take medication for things of this nature. I usually try to determine the cause of the headache before I resort to any external solution. Whether it be dehydration, fatigue, or that my eyes are sensitive to too much light, there are simple non-medicinal solutions to these problems. Water, sleep, or a little shut-eye, these always seem to help.

But I've downed three or four glasses of water, and I've tried to have a nap, yet nothing is working. Thus, fast-action-Tylenol it is. And while I was lying there trying to have a nap post-pill consumption, the thought came to me: this pain is my body's way of telling me something isn't right. It's not groundbreaking thought, but it gave way to many others that I think are pretty thought provoking.

Humans in this day and age are all about instant gratification. Physically we want fast-weight-loss. Emotionally we want a good book that quenches the thirst of the soul. Spiritually we want our dose of God once a week that keeps us in check, but doesn't impose on our lives. But we all experience pain. It's how we deal with this pain that interests me most. For most of us, our knee-jerk reaction is to dull the pain. I'm speaking first of physical pain - like that of a headache - but this of course is indicative of how we treat emotional and spiritual pain as well. When physical pain strikes, we try our best to relieve the pain - often by medical means - but sometimes by natural means. We are uncomfortable with pain; we are not designed to enjoy suffering. But I'm not so sure we're meant to rid ourselves of all pain.

Even after contemplating Brave New World anew, the idea of a pain-relief drug with no side-effects, hangover, or consequences, does not appeal to me in any way. And I must wonder why. Perhaps I haven't experienced the excruciating headache that is debilitating and keeps me up all night. I've never broken a bone or had an injury that truly incapacitated me. But pain is a gift. It's one of the ways our bodies tell us that something is amiss, that something is wrong and in need of a checkup. And if this is the way our bodies communicate to us physically, surely this is also the way we are let in on our emotional and spiritual deficiencies. Whether it be guilt, grief, or loneliness, pain tells us that something isn't quite right.

But I wonder - like our treatment of headaches - how we treat our spiritual and emotional pain. Do we become apathetic toward it, hoping that one day it will just go away? Do we lash out on others hoping that this will somehow hurt others and even the playing field? Do we slap an Oprah or Dr. Phil bandaid on it and hope for the best, knowing full well that a simple self-help solution will only cover up the infected wound that is festering and mutating? Do we really believe that the pain we are in will just go away with time?

It's time to tell ourselves that there is only one healer in this world. He is the one who, by his hands and his voice, created the very world we see. He created human beings, knowing the intricacies of flesh, mind, and spirit, and only he is capable of truly resolving the source of pain in your life. He's what we christians call God. Maybe you know him.

| 2 Corinthians 1 |

2010-11-30T16:21:00.004-05:00

Hello world,
New sermon up. May you be comforted and blessed as you consider the role of suffering in your life. http://www.wellspringtoronto.ca/church/Podcast/Entries/2010/11/28_Nov_28th_Steve.html

Cheers.
-steve

| My bread and butter |

2010-11-26T14:18:00.002-05:00

I'm beginning to notice a trend in my own train of thought. You see, it seems no matter where I begin in Scripture, when it comes to preaching I eventually end up at a message of hope. Perhaps it is because my own narrative is formed out of hope and framed by hope. Of all the vices, hopelessness has played a minimal role in my life. Thus, when I read a text, and when I prepare a sermon, I eventually end up at hope. The hope of the gospel, the hope of the resurrection, the hope of a new day, of a new moment, of a new heart, of new creation itself, hope is such a key idea in the stories of our lives and in the metanarrative of the good news of Jesus Christ.

Even when I start pondering how I eventually end up at hope, I start preaching. Sigh.

So I wonder; is there more to life, more to preaching, more to inspiring a congregation to peace, to love, or to a sense of urgency for this dark and broken culture? I'm not sure there is. To me, hope is the backbone for all of these things. As soon as the disciples of Jesus ceased hoping, they fell back into the mundane; they became powerless and empty. After seeing the resurrected King, they were reinvigorated and refueled to go out and minister.

So consider that this Christmas season. What is your hope? And if you find yourself struggling to put your finger on it, take a look at Hebrews 6:9-20, with a specific look at Hebrews 6:19.

Cheers.

| Of soap-operas, safety, and security |

2010-11-23T18:57:00.004-05:00

Admittedly, I've been watching this corny yet intriguing new show Hellcats. It's a show about college life, with a Legally Blonde feel to it as the protagonist is a law-student doubling as a cheerleader. It's a show that shows the hardship of college life, of a girl who doesn't have the money to make it, but she has the determination and the doppleganger skill-set to make it big; it's a show about overcoming obstacles and hardships. As a result, I like it. Cheesy as it may be, it is my new favourite show, sitting behind my all-time favourite Survivor.

Today I was procrastinating, sitting in the Tyndale Seminary lounge watching an episode, and I was rocked by the depth of the conversation I was listening to. Two students were dialogging college life, and how it's so easy to get caught up in it all. The one said, "Lancer [the college] is beautiful. The campus is paradise, it's like a drug. It's easy to forget what's going on out in the world. And sometimes I think it would be great to just lock that big iron gate at the entrance and stay here forever, safe and clueless."

For me, life here at Tyndale is almost over. Perhaps I'll pursue my Masters here at Tyndale in the years to come, but for now, I set my gaze just beyond the graduation cap and gown, just outside the "big iron gate at the entrance", knowing that I cannot stay here forever. The comfort of this place is addictive. The chapel services are phenomenal - complete with exceptional sermons and worship that makes your stomach jump a little. The community life is something I've not become submerged in, but good friends litter these halls, and I'll miss every one of them.

Beyond this place, the real world eats up young up-and-coming pastors. When I finally move beyond the 'pastoral intern' title in search of 'senior pastor' or 'associate pastor', churches will be waiting like wolves ready to chew me up and spit me out. The comfort of being a student - of being in the process of learning - will be lost to me. Certainly I'll never stop learning, but I'll no longer be able to use it as an excuse.

It's a scary reality, but a reality I look so forward to. Unlike the characters of Hellcats, I cannot wait to shake this place and run headlong into ministry. I cannot wait for the exhilarating rollercoaster that awaits Em and I. Joy and sorrow, hope and despair, comfort and suffering, these all await us beyond the "big iron gate at the entrance". If only the church had the same hopes, to move beyond the "safe and clueless" environment of Sunday service into the world as sheep among wolves.

| Coffee is no substitute for Sleep |

2010-11-17T15:48:00.006-05:00

As I sit here nursing a coffee at my kitchen table on this lovely windy day, I have come upon an obvious truth; coffee is no substitute for sleep. While coffee may help temporarily restore wakefulness when experiencing fatigue or drowsiness™, it is no substitute for the real thing. It may be the most beautifully tasting beverage in the world, but it still remains only a beverage, ever falling short of the bed-and-blanket-bundle that so invigorates my life.

So what's my point? In a world of artificial sweeteners, false senses of security, prayers for the mere placebo effect, and for temporary restoration to the problem of life, the only cure is rest. But "rest in what?", you say. Rest in Christ. It is one thing to go out bearing the mantle of Christ - going and doing, and going and doing. But at the end of the day, if we fail to recognize the wind in our sails, the strength for our going, the passion for our doing, or the rest for our souls, then we have missed something so crucial about this thing called Christianity.

Look at the life of Jesus. He was a guy who went out teaching, proclaiming, healing, and working wondrous miracles, but at the end of the day, he retreated to be with his Father above. Many times in the gospels, Jesus is the guy retreating from the crowds to be in the presence of God.

I'm especially mindful of this in the busyness of my own life. I may be the guy going out and doing the work of Jesus Christ, but if I don't return home to experience Christ in the sweet silent sensational moments of contemplation and peace, I'm missing something so vital, so refreshing, and so magnificent. Consider the Christmas season as it swiftly approaches; take time in the hustle and bustle of sharing the good news of Jesus, just to grab a warm blanket (perhaps before a fireplace) and draw near to him. Nothing is a good replacement for God, not even coffee.

Thanks for reading.

| Reinvigoration through Recalibration |

2010-11-08T12:24:00.002-05:00

Alas, I feel that the funk is subsiding. The fog is lifting and the words are flowing once again. Papers are being written, love is being shown, and I feel I can breathe new life again. And as I look back on the week behind me, one thing stands out as a driving force for this turn around: when I get back to the basics, when I rediscover my passions and I stick to them, everything else falls into place.

For starters, ministry is a double-edged sword. It can be the passions and the driving force for going out and doing, but it can also be that which hinders the same. Too much emphasis on what's not working in ministry can be draining and exhausting. And yet a simple visitation over coffee and lunch can recalibrate ministry, that it's all about a God who loves His people so much that He wants to commune with them. In this light, all that I'm called to do is love on people, listen to their stories, and speak God into their lives. It's really that simple.

The other major contributor was rediscovering my role as knight extraordinaire for my darling wife. (http://make-me-meek.blogspot.com) In the face of despair and frustration, I was able to step up, defend her, seek justice for her pain, and speak the light of truth into a dark situation. I really truly believe that God has called me to speak truth in hard situations, and this has recalibrated my heart; I am reinvigorated and ready to go.

God is good.

Thanks for reading.

| I hate Christmas parties |

2010-11-01T08:20:00.001-04:00

Last year in November I had the opportunity to preach on Isaiah 9, the great passage that a light will dawn out of the darkness, that unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government shall rest on his shoulders. It was an Advent sermon at Wellspring. I say this because it provides some context to how I see the Christmas season.

Quite like the glimmer of light and hope that the prophetic birth foretold of the Saviour of the world offered, so too is the Christmas story. Quite like the darkness, the captivity, and the warfare that surround this early Isaiah prophecy, so too is the Christmas season. We live in a world that wants to take the only light out, perhaps to replace it a light bulb or an LED; our world desires to take the baby out of the baby story that transformed history past, present, and future. It's for this light that I love Christmas. Even the word itself seems to break down into Christ (the person, the Messiah) and mas (a communal celebration); it seems to imply a party for Christ.

So if you have heard grumblings about me being a grinch or a scrooge, put it into this context. I admit I have no care for trees or decorations, for themed cards or for catchy jingles. To use two Relient K song titles - one a truth for me and the other a fallacy - I hate Christmas parties and I Celebrate the Day. I do celebrate the day; I may celebrate it differently than the masses, but I celebrate it nonetheless. And I don't hate Christmas parties. So long as that light is not ripped away and replaced by some other light source, (and so long as the decorations aren't too over the top), I'll be there, eggnog in my hand, glad that I have such an incredible family, and glad that Jesus is King over hearts, even though He's lost some ground in the holiday season.

| Hmmm...I dunno |

2010-10-31T17:22:00.000-04:00

While my wife Emily blogs about the lyrical wonderment of "I need you like a hurricane", I myself find myself needing to settle down the hurricane that has taken up residence in my life. As with all hurricanes these days, I have given mine a fitting name: Hurricane Steve. Sure, we can all agree that it is by no means an original or creative name, but it is fitting, for the storm of my life is seemingly (and most likely) self inflicted.

Juggling has never been my forte; I've never really been able to juggle, and attempts to prove my inability usually lead to bruised fruit or dented cans. And perhaps you're wondering how I got from a storm/hurricane metaphor to a juggling metaphor? Well this is my life right now. It is a mixed bag of metaphors. Between work, school, family, and church, I have spread myself so thin that I feel the need to introduce a coping mechanism in the shape of playing a video game. But I do not play a single video game through to its completion. That would be too easy. No, part of this coping mechanism is the constant introduction of a new ideo game just as the old is losing my interest.

Back to the hurricane. In a meeting with my pastor the other day, we somehow got to talking about being stuck, and how to get "unstuck". In a book by that same name, he showed me several patterns and several keywords relating to being stuck. The word 'overwhelmed' hit me. I knew that was what I was experiencing. The associated pattern or diagram showed a jumbled up mess of things inside the circle; it was a pattern that showed me that my life had too many areas that required my attention (and not merely paying attention, but paying close attention). And this is where the hurricane again works. In a hurricane, some run, some scream, and others turtle in door frames, hoping that the storm passes. I fall under the last category. I have withdrawn and become empty inside; I have no energy to face the day, and my frustration mounts as a result. I rely on coffee, and then more coffee. I think of the story in the gospels where Jesus calms the storm by mere verbal directive. But is that even possible when my own busyness is the reason I'm overwhelmed?

I need to move some things out of the center of my life. There are too many distractions, and too many things to deal with. The problem is, what? What can I pay less attention to? Neither God, nor family, nor work, nor school can really stand to lose any ground in my life. So, I write and I ponder. Perhaps one day the storm will simply pass. Hmmm...I dunno.

| Matthew 24 |

2010-10-17T18:56:00.000-04:00

Another sermon. Check it out if you so desire.
http://www.wellspringtoronto.ca/church/Podcast/Entries/2010/10/17_steve_oct_17th.html

Cheers.

| Robotic Blogmancing |

2010-10-16T23:58:00.001-04:00

It's been awhile since I wrote anything in a free-fall style, so tonight is that night.

It's the night before I preach again, and I'm pretty excited. There is always a sense of nervousness, and perhaps a restlessness as I ponder anew just what it is I do. Preaching and teaching are my favourite things to do. And even as I recall a Bill Hybel's article on recharging your batteries, I'm reminded of how we feel recharged and renewed when we work within our particular giftings. For me that is preaching and teaching.

One of the great benefits of having my heart and head in the word looking for connections and ascertaining just what the Spirit is saying, is that I get to learn so much. I get the message first-hand and the congregation gets it second-hand. It's been "used" by my heart first. Tomorrow I'm really hoping to challenge the congregation with a sermon on two parables in Matthew 13. I'm really excited about the way in which these sermons work together. There is first an emphasis on submitting to the authority of the word in our lives. Then there is an emphasis on going forth with that word. Then the second parable speaks about how to live as people of God among the world.

My courses at Tyndale keep challenging me on the notion of this "Clash of Civilizations"; the main thought being east vs. west or Christianity vs. Islam. So you might say this is wearing on my heart a bit, and I'm excited to touch on this idea tomorrow morning. What does it mean to live as wheat among the tares? (Matthew 13:24ff)

Thanks for reading.

| Smelling Like Sheep? |

2010-09-29T11:45:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been pondering the social dynamic of church as it concerns me. The pastor of a church is called to be a shepherd to a flock, but at what point is the shepherd just like any other sheep, I wonder. I read a devotional for a class of mine from a book called They Smell Like Sheep wherein the author placed a heavy emphasis on the shepherds intimacy with his flock to the point that the shepherd smells like his stinky dirty sheep.

To this I began pondering my own sense of self, my own sense of pastoring, and whether or not I can really do that. I'm often too much a perfectionist to get down into the muck and the grime; I'm too concerned with my own appearance, my own pride, and my own ability to bring about change. I'm coming to realize that shepherding isn't simply about the rod and the staff - discipline and comfort - for it is also about being a sheep too.

Perhaps I've fallen too far away from the notion that I am a sheep too. I've become this monster of a shepherd, intimidating his sheep, petrifying them into inaction, and debilitating the flock. Exaggerate much? So maybe it's not that bad, but if I keep down this path, surely this exaggeration will become reality.

I'm coming to realize that the social dynamic of the church (as it concerns me) is that I'm not some distant and removed mover of chess pieces about a board, I'm just another sheep who's been called to get down dirty in the muck, encourage, exhort, and exemplifying what it means to be a sheep set apart for God.

| NHL 10/11 Picks |

2010-09-27T19:07:00.000-04:00

I have decided - as I do every season - to put my NHL season standing picks online.

The East...

1*. Philadelphia

2*. Washington

3*. Buffalo

4. New Jersey

5. Pittsburgh

6. Boston

7. Tampa Bay

8. Toronto

The West...

1*. Vancouver

2*. Detroit

3*. Los Angelos

4. Phoenix

5. San Jose

6. St. Louis

7. Chicago

8. Edmonton

*indicative of a division leader

Your thoughts? Your picks?

| Potency in Prose or Poetry |

2010-09-19T23:21:00.000-04:00

When I prepare to preach, I often find myself pondering the power of the word of God. A single verse - a mere sentence of prose or poetry - possesses the potency to truly transform a life. And where some quotations fall under the "one person's trash is another's treasure", Holy Scripture - the God breathed living word - is applicable and appropriate for all. And where some books may contain only a handful of truly "quote-worthy" phrases or sentences, our Bible is jam-packed full of juicy gems, just waiting for us to hear them, receive them, and apply them.

When I prepare to preach, it is this amazing word that I try with all my strength to surrender to. Even that is a funny thought; in ordinary and mundane circumstances, surrendering is the active-absence of strength. Whereas in the spiritual context, it takes all of our effort and all of our strength to truly set aside our pride, our knowledge, and our wisdom in order to surrender. With the word of God, it is this determination to place ourselves under its authority and in surrender to its potency, that yields the best results. We need to actively place His word above our own.

Consider that when you open your Bible to read what God has for your life.

| The World Wide What? |

2010-09-09T12:18:00.000-04:00

Friends, familia, and familiar readers alike, I am excited to tell you that I have broken through the vast divide of the world wide web. I present to you a sermon on Jeremiah, spoken to Wellspring Worship Centre on August 29th, 2010.

http://www.wellspringtoronto.ca/church/Podcast/Entries/2010/8/29_Steve_Coupland_Jeremiah_38.html

May you be blessed as you listen or as you feign listening.

Cheers.

| A Wednesday Freefall |

2010-09-08T23:54:00.000-04:00

Contained, constrained under my skin is an enigma of emotion.

It longs to break free; it desires to burst forth, surging like a wave.

But, like a wave, its raw power is beyond control once it is unleashed.

Even though I long to share with you, to care for you, and to dare to be free with you, I fear letting go.

Should I let down the gate, be free from the constraint, and give way to the wave of an emotional hurricane?

A wave becomes a tear, emotion leaving behind fear, and as joy overtakes apathy, hope becomes clear.

So consider this all, when I'm being honest, when I'm raw, that I'm not always so free, so spoken, so me.

| Another New Heavy Day |

2010-08-23T07:52:00.000-04:00

In a follow-up to my last post, I wanted to clarify a few things.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel; there is hope for a mountain top experience after every valley. More than the sad reality of living in this world, searching after mundane things, this song is about that light; it's about feeling light, burden-free, and new again. As Christians, we seek out the new. We ask for new hearts, a new and clean slate, to be newly created, new opportunities. Sometimes the new seems a lot like the old. Perhaps God is telling us to cash in the old before the new is available. To use a random metaphor, get rid of the old and grungy couch before you try to fit a new couch in that same room.

So this is what this song is about: we need to give up and surrender the heaviness of days past in order to truly accept the new day without all the heaviness we associate with it. This is precisely what is meant by the oft-used phrase, "Lay your burdens at the foot of the cross."

As for me, the combination of school and work has tired me out. Every day blurs into the next (save for a few truly memorable ones). Coffee has become the life that carries me through the day. So for me, this song was about that. For some, it might be about the cyclical nature of sin, how they can't seem to shake it, and how it makes their newness feel heavy and burdened.

Thanks for reading.

| A New Heavy Day |

2010-08-21T20:14:00.000-04:00

A song.

Written on the tenth of August.

Despair. Hopelessness. Anguish. Heaviness.

May I be light again; may I be burden free. May I soar on eagle's wings.

A New Heavy Day

Verse 1

It’s a new heavy day, I open my eyes, the sun seems too bright

And while some may say, it’s a gloriously warm light

I can’t stand the heat, even though I’m so cold, and I’m so alone

I can’t break free, from this numb existence, this new heavy day

Verse 2

It’s a brand new exile, trapped in this nine-to-five-repeat

We nod and we smile, we laugh and we joke as we eat

But I feel no joy, I feel no excitement, I’m groaning inside

But I feel no hope, no escape from this cyclical numbness, this new heavy day

Chorus

So take in your hands

All of my apathy

And replace it with joy

So take in your hands

All of my emptiness

And replace it with hope

Instill in me passion

Instill in me joy

Give my life purpose

Give my life more

I come as I am

Broken and weary

With my hands offering

This new heavy day

Cheers.

| Bread of Life |

2010-07-21T00:38:00.000-04:00

This song has been on my lips all week. It was written by a guy named Jeremy Boyd, played on a cd by the once-known-band Enochstatus from my hometown of Peterborough. I hope it speaks to you as it has spoken to me.

the bread of life to me

you are, the calmness in the storm

you are, always there for me

you are, the only one I need

and I, have nowhere to go without you

I have one to hold

and you're all that I want

you're all that I need

you gave me a home

you fill all my needs

and where ever I go

you with I will know

that I'll always have a home in you

| Mishewhat? |

2010-07-19T11:00:00.000-04:00

The theme of early morning prayer for the week was "ride the wave". As the evening chapel message focused on identifying and recovering from burnout, it was fitting that the leadership team ride the wave of the Spirit throughout the week, relying on the Spirit's power and not our own.

Well my wave has crashed. Emily had been fighting a cough and cold all week and I managed to avoid any symptoms of it. We returned home on Saturday, I preached on Sunday, and today I am feeling distraught and achy. My throat is sore and I feel weak. Like the wounds of one who has fallen off a surfboard, I have fallen hard off the wave.

But I have to tell you, I would do it again in a heartbeat. The way that God moved this past week, the spirit of prayer, the very heartbeat of God beating like a drum guiding our worship of this same God, all of this really blessed my life. Hopefully it blessed the lives of the other campers too.

I came to camp absolutely terrified of working with teenagers, and the most bizarre thing is that I left with a sense of peace about it all. This is not to say that I feel God calling me to youth ministry - for the call to be a preaching, teaching, church-planting pastor is still very much my heart - but it does tell me that God was working in my life this past week and that I'm not as old as I think I am.

I may not be the most eloquent swimmer, and I may struggle to lunge off of an overhanging branch into a pool of water that looks to me like certain death, but I think that I came away with some friends, and friendship is not something easy to find in this crazy world.

Camp Mishewah definitely has a place in my heart. I'm hoping that God opens up doors to allow Em and I to return next year. Perhaps the first week of camp? We'll see.

| There is no other stream |

2010-06-26T09:29:00.001-04:00

Draw back the curtains and hear these words. A girl named Jill has just entered the magical world of Narnia. She is thirsty, so she heads into the forest in search of a stream. When she finally finds a stream, she is terrified because a lion sits beside it. The lion tells her to come and drink.

"Are you not thirsty?" said the Lion.

"I'm dying of thirst," said Jill.

"Then drink," said the Lion.

"May I - could you - would you mind going away while I do?" said Jill.

"Will you promise not to - do anything to me, if I do come? said Jill.

"I make no promise," said the Lion.

"Do you eat girls?" she said.

"I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms," said the Lion. It didn't say this as if it were boasting, nor as if it were sorry, nor as if it were angry. It just said it.

"I daren't come and drink," said Jill.

"Then you will die of thirst," said the Lion.

"Oh dear!" said Jill, coming another step nearer. "I suppose I must go and look for another stream then."

"There is no other stream," said the Lion.

Beauty bursts forth from this reading, deep rich theological beauty. Ponder the Biblical image of water, of a well of living water, of the stream flowing through the heavenly city. Move from here to the story of John 4, wherein we see an encounter between the Son of God and a woman at a watering place, at a well.

Furthermore, think about the symbolism behind meeting someone at a well. Look back through the stories of Jacob and Isaac meeting their wives at wells. Relationships find their foundation in encounters at wells. The woman of Samaria encountering Jesus is no different. Surely she is not the future wife of Jesus, but marriage is a discussion at the well. She has had many husbands; she has had a pluralistic lifestyle. Yet John 4 is not a lesson about marriage, for it is one about worship, and worship is about relationship.

I urge you to consider the woman of Samaria and the discussions she has with Jesus. The discussion of living waters is but one part of the story. Worship is the point that Jesus is building to. Just as marriage is a relationship built between two people, so too is worship. The backdrop of this is that history tells of the Israelites falling into Baal worship and Molech worship, thereby forsaking the worship of their God.

In the story by C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair, Jill desires to go and find a different stream. She is terrified of the Lion. She has the fear of God inside her, wrecking havoc on her mind and body such that she is immobilized and afraid. Yet the choice before her is life or death, the stream, or no stream. "There is no other stream."

This is the beginning point of Christianity. We must realize that God is the only stream, the only source of life, and the only hope in a dark and unknown forest. We must meet God at the well, and although we may be terrified at His majesty and power, at His ability to consume us and devour us, and because He detests sin, we must take hold of our trembling legs and take a drink of the living waters that spring up inside of us a well of eternal life. This is faith and fear and devotion and worship wrapped in one amazing choice.

| Perceptions and Proximity |

2010-06-10T20:00:00.000-04:00

Another Chronicles of Narnia moment struck me the other day. I was reading through Prince Caspian, specifically when Lucy finds her way to Aslan in the middle of the night in the clearing just past the dancing trees. None of this is really that important, but it does help a bit of context. See, Lucy has returned to Narnia after being away for a year.

What happens next is the most beautiful little bit of theology I ever read:

"Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger."

"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.

"Not because you are?"

"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

Perhaps this doesn't seem like a big deal at all. But think of perception and growth. Things that seem monstrous to us as kids are not all that big once we grow up; things appear smaller as we grow bigger in proportion. But this isn't the case with God! With God, the older we get (or the deeper our faith), the bigger God grows in our eyes.

A verse such as John 14:21 suddenly pops for us, that if we keep God's commandments, we love God, and if we love God, He loves us and reveals Himself to us. The more we grow in God, the more He reveals Himself to us, and the more we see of His grandeur.

Our desire to read up on something and learn all that we can learn so that we can conquer it (like Math, for example) does not apply to God. The more we delve in, the bigger He gets. It is no wonder that people who have lived their lives in service to God, and who now face their death bed, do not fear, for they have such a real and accurate perception of God.

Perhaps the idea of walking closer to Him works as well. In the beginning we are onlookers from a far off. We may not see God at all. When we finally do see Him, He is but a tiny speck in the distance. The deeper we venture in our faith as we follow after Him, the bigger He becomes. Our perception is proportionate to our proximity.

Well, that is all for now.

Cheers.

| The Grand Story |

2010-06-10T19:54:00.000-04:00

For one of my classes, I was required to answer twenty questions on the book of Jeremiah. This one was concerned with where the book of Jeremiah fit in historically. Emily convinced me to post it. Hope you enjoy it.

The book of Jeremiah often alludes back to creation, for God is the one who inspired the world to be. He created people and dwelled among them. These same people turned against Him, beginning the cycle that humans would continue in for centuries and centuries: transgression, fear, remorse, and soon repentance. God called these people out of Egypt back to Himself, and the covenant people were given laws so as to instruct these children as to right conduct and living. They were led, hand-in-hand, provided for by God as though by a nursing mother, to a land of plenty which would be theirs to claim. There they pushed for a king to lead them, like the other nations, and soon thereafter a king set out to build a house for God. After king David, the kingdom split into two factions, further separating themselves from God and from each other. The north and the south were ruled by different kings until eventually the north was conquered by the Assyrian arrmy.

To this, the sister nation of Judah should see the error of Israel and repent. However, this was not so. Judah, like her sister, became a harlot in God’s eyes. Judah was poised to be overcome and destroyed like her sister before her. But the story of God was never about destruction, for wanton destruction does not bring glory to God. Since neither of these nations was able to bring glory to God and both had shamed His name, something had to be done. The great vine of Israel and Judah, that God had planted and grown, was in need of pruning, perhaps even fire was needed to burn off the dead and rotten branches. Restoration, not destruction, was on God’s mind. He would bring a broken and weary people back to Him; He would draw near to those that had transgressed His law and sundered His covenant. And like the releasing of slaves after seven years of service, God would release His people from their exile in Babylon after seventy years. The edict of Cyrus would bring His people back to their land where they would await the Messiah. The spurned and jealous lover of our soul would come to earth, incarnate in the flesh, to dote His bride. The story comes full circle, as all stories do, with newly created bodies in a new creation reality: the wedding supper of the Lamb is the reality of complete and perfect reconciliation between God and His people. He will be our God and we will be His people, forevermore.

The story of Jeremiah fits historically within the siege of the southern nation of Judah and its prized city Jerusalem. The prophet Jeremiah endures the pain of a people who forsake him and want his life, and this brings him closer to the God he serves. Both suffer rejection, but rejection is only temporary. The story of Jeremiah encompasses and alludes to the grandeur of creation, the love of the eternal “I am” God, and the story of redemption and reconciliation of a nation that far precedes and anticipates the final redemption and reconciliation of all nations. What a book, one like I’ve never read before.

| A Lion of a God |

2010-05-30T21:54:00.001-04:00

So the most beautiful thing happened to me lately: I found the Chronicles of Narnia boxset for $5 at Goodwill. Naturally Em and I purchased the set and I indulged immediately. I had never read any of these seven wonders of the world before, and I am glad for they are a breath of fresh air to me.

I really do believe I could preach through these books; they contain such rich imagery of God. At one point, C.S. Lewis describes the creation of Narnia by means of the Lion's beautiful song spreading forth across the land. However, what struck me the most was the character of Aslan the Lion.

You see, the wording Lewis ascribes to the Lion, that he is both beautiful and terrible, astounds me and I find myself marvelling at the depth of it all. On one hand the God I serve is a beautiful God, and beauty springs forth from His every action: creation, covenant faithfulness, incarnation, suffering, resurrection, and new covenant. This beauty calls to us, His creatures, and beckons ourt hearts to reach out to Him.

On the other hand, all the very same time, the God I serve is terrible, not in a Robert Munsch "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very. Bad Day", but in a manner similar to terrifying, where the root terror points us to the fear of God. This term, 'fear of God' is hard to fathom, for so often we preach a God of love (as in 1 John, that God is love), but on the other hand He is a God who is worthy to be praised; anything less would be a disgrace and a dishonour. There is an innate expectation of fear for He is not simply a royal figure, He is the King of kings, the Lord of lords.

The dualism, the creative tension of the beautiful and the terrible Lion, it is truly a brilliant depiction of God. Furthermore, consider how a Lion cleans a wound. The textured and fierce tongue of the Lion is like the discipline of God, sometimes rough and uncomfortable, but it is necessary for our growth and healing.

| The Dark Night of my Soul |

2010-04-09T18:44:00.000-04:00

Verse 1

The sun breaks through the skyline

The chaos of the mourning

The daybreak brings news

That you’re still gone

The sun brings light to sorrow

You never made it this far

The heaviness on my heart

Drags me to my knees

Verse 2

My heart is beating faster

My hands are feeling numb

I can’t believe it’s over

That you’re gone so soon

Light penetrates my window

Lands upon my floorboards

Yet I sit still in the corner

Holding back my tears

Chorus

And this is

The dark night of my soul

When nothing matters

And I’m on my own

My prayers

Shatter on the ceiling

Can you hear me

In this my darkest hour

Verse 3

Restraining becomes tiresome

My tears begin to flow

And even though I’m hopeless

I know there’s hope

I stumble to my feet

Walk over to the window

For once the sun brings comfort

I’m not alone

| Creative Tension |

2010-01-14T12:02:00.002-05:00

When I ponder God's justice and his mercy, I must ponder them in their separation and then in their unity. For justice and mercy appear at first to be but opposite ends of a spectrum, yet the Bible insists that God is both just and merciful, and he is the complete measure of both. This is what is meant by creative tension.

Creative tension is the act of holding two seemingly opposite ideas in your hands at the same time; it is the meshing together contentious ideas to see that they were designed to be together.

It is the recognization that God is both king and daddy, lord and saviour. As our king he is above us, beyond us, our master, and the one we pay homage to with our lives. Yet as our daddy, he draws close to us, instructs us, offers us care, and loves us unconditionally.

Yet somewhere at some point in time, we have watered down our theology and set aside our servanthood in favour of a God who simply loves us. We have set aside the Lordship of our Trinitarian God in favour of a feel-good story of sacrifice for us that lacks a reciprocal response. It is our responsibility (and it should be our desire) to look upon our God as our Lord and our Saviour. For He is not simply the one who loves us and saves us, but He is also the one who calls us to pick up our cross and follow Him. We are called to serve our risen Lord. Lordship demands following Him through the muck and the mire, in all situations, and not simply because He loves us.

Yet the comfort lies in Jesus as Saviour, not as Lord.

Similarly, creative tension is required for the ministry of the Church. This seeker-sensitive model of Church waters down the truth of the gospel in favour of an overemphasized love. Yes, love is unconditional, and the words 'overemphasized' and 'love' ought not to be beside one another, but truth is just as important and for far too long it has been compromised and set aside.

Liturgy, hard-to-swallow-sermons, the difficulty of the call to fishers of men, the impossibility of the sermon on the mount, these things have fallen to the wayside. It is so much easier to sing songs of happiness, to preach sermons of God's love, and to send forth the people to have a good week instead of actually calling them to change the world.

God has called us to be people of truth and love, not one, nor the other, but both. This is our call to creative tension.

| An Appeal to Noise |

2009-11-19T20:21:00.000-05:00

I stand below a stunning star-struck sky,
Yet I'm without adoration, I can't say why,
Perhaps the beauty of silence has been stolen,
Even the night screams out in terror, the stars themselves they cry.

I appeal to a world that had a Sabbath every night,
Yet turned its back on its rest in favour of a party life,
Where once a silent moment ruled for a period of time,
Now the Banshee rules from dusk til dawn, from light til light.

I walk a busy street and hum a catchy tune,
Yet small white buds in all ears prevent me from being heard,
I could yell, I could scream, perhaps one head would turn,
Only to shush me for my interruption of their noisy world.

I write, I blog, I appeal for a world to change,
Who even hears, better yet, who even cares,
This is but text alongside text beside text above text,
It's powerless until read, until heard, until the cycle breaks.

Yet starry skies are not alone the domain of silence,
Nor is night alone a Sabbath that we've long forgotten,
Take a moment, any moment, and stop to listen,
There is beauty in simple silence, beautiful peace abounds.

| A Moment's Contemplation of Posture |

2009-08-24T11:19:00.000-04:00

There are days - not long forgotten or hidden, for they are days like today - that I see you clearly. There are moments in these days that understanding comes as naturally as breathing. There are silent whispers that are more fierce than a yell from a mountain top.

They are moments within the ordinary that are so far removed from ordinary that they ripple throughout my life with a message so grand. They are as though heaven itself has broken through.

Posture is of the utmost importance for moments such as these. It is the posture of our heart that sets us apart as those ready to hear and obey. It is a physical and emotional posture of being still. It is a mental posture of knowing just who God is.

For Psalms 46:10-11 says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

| Learning From Poopy Babies |

2009-08-20T01:07:00.000-04:00

There was a story that I was once told by a youth pastor of mine, oh some eight years ago. This particular youth pastor was a father at the time and so the story fit. He integrated this story into the message he preached and it has been a lens to which I look upon my spiritual life ever since.

The story was told packed full of nuances about this youth pastors baby son, for the bulk of those listening knew this particular baby. It was a story about a baby experiencing great joy and laughter while learning to walk, only then to fall and experience emotions that were polar opposite to the joy and the laughter. The child sought independence while learning to walk and although he experienced joy because he could do it without his fathers help, his father too experienced joy in watching his child grow. Then just as the child fell, there was an incredible need that the child expressed for his father. His tears and his pain called out to his father who of course came running to pick him up, tell him it would be okay, and that he loved him.

Such is the incredible relationship we have with God. He watches us and shares in our joy as we go about life in His presence. And the moment we fall and cry out to Him, He is there to pick us up, reassure us that everything will be okay, and that He truly loves us.

The story was twofold and the second part was equally as important to me for it spoke to the prodigal son in me. The second part of the story was more about the father and less about the child. Before this youth pastor was a father he was not much for messes. He never had an appreciation for cleaning up after someone else. However, his telling of countless times that he had to clean up after his son, and the incredible vulnerability his son must have been feeling, spoke once again about the dynamic of our relationship with God. For the father learned to love and cherish the moments that he was able to help his son. He found himself loving his child no matter what messy situation the child was in. How much more then will our Father in heaven love us in our vulnerabilities for allowing Him to be the one that cleans us of our messes.

I am still learning to live my life always in the presence of God, and that He is able and willing to take on any messy burden that I have. For He is truly a good God, and a great Dad.

| The Mystery of Mercy |

2009-08-16T08:25:00.000-04:00

The greatest story ever told transcends many genres.

As a drama it tells the story of one who sought to change the world, his world.

As an action piece it tells of grand armies clashing, and gruesume death on the Roman cross.

As an autobiography it is God's story written for His people so that they would know Him, and know Him more fully than ever before.

As a mystery it is the story of the most unconventional king ever and how His mercy was manifested.

His mercy is a mystery; His love is undeserved, His faithfulness is beyond understanding, even His death and resurrection were entirely unexpected. The manifestation of His mercy is unconventional and, because of this, I reap the rewards.

It was the twist that no demon or devil saw, that no man understood, that the death of a king would burst forth a spring of living water for all to drink. It was life everlasting only days removed from tragic death.

I'm just glad to be a small part of the greatest story ever told, for I have been included in His miraculous mercy.

| New Car Smell For The Soul |

2009-08-15T07:29:00.000-04:00

In light of my sister leaving this morning for Rwanda, I find myself inclined to think upon new beginnings and opportunities. She is venturing forth in faith for a year in a foreign country. She is not looking at this relocation as exile, for God is going ahead of her and preparing her way. He is the great provider of all things new.

Today I too have been given new opportunities, but it is how I choose to use them that is important. Paul writes about transforming ourselves from worldly to Godly in his letter to the church in Rome.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2

Today I have the opportunity to show my wife that I love her in new and exciting ways. I have been given a new day to sing praises to my God, attuning myself bit by bit more and more towards Him and His will.

Today, I choose to serve You God. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

| Reflections and Mirrors |

2009-08-14T17:45:00.001-04:00

I am substantial, yet I know so little of substance.
I am real, yet I cannot always understand reality.
I am alive, yet my actions and attitudes harbour death itself.
I am flesh, yet my desire is to be something more.
I am spirit, yet I know not what this means or feels like.
I am a Christian, yet I would have followed the crowd and crucified Him.

I am a dualism, existing as both life and death, fallen and redeemed, sinful and covered by His blood, a slave and free.

I am not there yet.
One day I will be.

| Reclaiming Humanity |

2009-08-14T16:48:00.001-04:00

Over the past year I’ve been told several times that I need to “own it”. ‘It’ is whatever it was that I was making excuses about, and therefore owning it means to declare it as mine, and then to deal with it. It comes so naturally to me to find other reasons and explanations as to why something has happened; making excuses comes easily for me. However, there is one excuse that I refuse to make for I find that it is not in line with my Judeo-Christian beliefs. This one excuse is formed in the phrase “I am only human”.

To say “I am only” – regardless of what follows – immediately speaks of limitation. It declares that something is not capable or able. Think for a moment about a mischievous child. Would it be beneficial for a parent to excuse the child of his behaviour by suggesting that it is okay because “he is only a child”? Surely not! Children are capable of both mischief and innocence. Likewise, to suggest that someone is only human such that sin is expected and even tolerated is just plain silliness. Humans are created with the capability for both good and evil. It is our human nature to walk with God as Adam and Eve did. For just as the fall divided us from God, the resurrection of Jesus Christ has given us a newly created opportunity for closeness with God.

Therefore, if we are redeemed by the resurrection of Christ, and created capable of goodness, why then do we associate our sinful behaviour with being "only human". We are so much more than the chains that bind us, and we should live accordingly.

| A year in Rwanda |

2009-08-14T16:46:00.000-04:00

Check out my sister's blog as she spends a year in Rwanda teaching at Kigali International Community School

www.vickiinrwanda.blogspot.com